By Patrick Guthrie, on May 15th, 2012  Did everyone already know Kristen Wiig was this attractive? Am I late to the party? After a life ruining 3 hour 45 minute rain delay on Sunday resulted in a 12 hours of work, I got about two sentences deep into this column Sunday night before my face hit the keyboard. So one day late, with the guy sitting next to me eating a sandwich that smells unspeakably awful (like somebody slathered dirty socks in Sweet Baby Rays. How can he enjoy this? Is it a southern delicacy?), here’s what sports made my brain think.
Oriole Nightmares
If the Orioles were a boxer (and they’re going to be a boxer, because I like boxing), they’d be Cristobal Arreola. Let’s get past the doughy appearance here, and the awesome nickname “The Nightmare” (The only other nightmare who hasn’t eaten himself out of boxing is a Fin named Robert Helenius. Nightmare vs. Nightmare fight, do it before Christmas, Tim Burton special guest judge. It would promote itself if I wasn’t promoting it).
Anyways, Arreola fights don’t win beauty contests. Neither the man nor the team is light on their feet (Baltimore is dead last in the league in SB’s (10) and SB % (coin flip)). They’re not the embodiment of pugilistic precision (an exceedingly average average of .249, 13th in MLB), and just like Arreola in the Molina fight, the O’s are going to look bad at times because of how much and how hard they swing and miss (277 K’s – 3rd in the AL). Because of all these reasons, opponents can get confident and start racking up some nice numbers in the early going.
But just when the other guy starts to gather some confidence – KABOOM. The word “unloads” is apropos, as Arreola has a particular proclivity for caving in temples like Harrison Ford. When he swings, it actually looks like a guy trying to box with bowling balls glued to his palms. So unsurprisingly, when he hits, he hurts. The same can be said for the Orioles (5th in SLG %, 3rd in XBH, 1st in HR, 1st in Isolated Power). The offense for both is not a beautiful ebb and flow, but rather blunt force trauma. Like getting hit by a chunk of ice falling off of your house.
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By Patrick Guthrie, on May 7th, 2012 O What a Week
 RIP Nathaniel Hornblower When I started writing this post four weeks ago, I figured I’d be writing “what a great week for the Orioles” about as many times as “That new Adam Sandler movie looks like a return to form” and “I really enjoy the taste of a good olive” (I f***ing hate olives). And yet here I sit, and really: wow. What a great week for the Orioles. On a road trip that would have been a success at 3-3, the Orioles will land at BWI with series wins over two of the better lineups in baseball, and the best record in the sport. In other news, the elevator in the warehouse has a newly installed stop at Cloud Nine.
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By Weston Bruner, on May 5th, 2012  Suggs will be missed this season, but that doesn't mean players shouldn't be allowed to exercise in their own way. This week has been bookended by two players at the top of their sports being cut down, at least for the year (I am not buying Terrell Suggs’ optimism that he will be back in November). Suggs tore his Achilles playing a pick-up game of basketball while Yankees star closer Mariano Rivera tore his ACL while shagging fly balls during batting practice, a regular practice for both players and a way they try to stay in shape. It would be easy to use this as an opportunity to question what players should be allowed to do, but it is important now more than ever to recognize that players need the freedom to exercise on their own terms regardless of what fluky but terrible accidents might happen.
In sports, perhaps more than any other career path, one’s economic wellbeing is determined by their performance. If they fail to perform in the NFL they will be cut with minimal repercussions to their employer, and even in baseball players are constantly playing for the next contract. There is no flying below the radar and keep collecting pay in professional sports. As such, the best keep themselves in incredible shape and constantly train, and it can’t always be under team supervision. READ MORE >>>
By Patrick Guthrie, on May 1st, 2012  I keep telling her "stop calling me at work". A west coast trip for the Nationals, and a car accident: What are the reasons this article is up a day late. Now that I have a rental car (almost) and my brain is slowly starting to re-fire after a good night’s sleep, let’s stare at the Scarlett Johansson picture for a few seconds and then dig in.
Preorder your World Series tickets:
My benchmark for the home stand was 4-2, and the O’s went ahead and upped it to 5-1. Now the real test starts with the brutal schedule I alluded to last week. For the next 6 games, the Orioles will be sampling the various chowders of the Northeast. They then return home to face Texas (currently at their Chuck Norris best), and the Rays (currently atop the division unbeknownst to the people of Tampa).
In numbers you already knew without me telling you, those are the top 4 teams in RBI’s in the American League. I’m not saying temper your expectations, because the Orioles are playing well and you should ride the wave until it flattens out. What I AM saying is, be realistic. There are going to nights that starting pitchers get lambasted because the margin for error will be miniscule and the degree of difficulty will be gigantic. Texas and Boston don’t DO pitching duels just like Earnie Shavers didn’t DO decisions.
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By Weston Bruner, on April 28th, 2012  Don't smile. Whatever you do, don't smile. This is not funny... (Photo by Mitchell Layton/Getty Images) While the city of Baltimore remains inexplicably allied to the Washington Capitals’ playoff run (Why?! I will never understand it. I wouldn’t root for the Wizards and the Redskins and Nats are not my #2 teams in football and baseball so why in god’s name would I root for the Caps? Go Flyers.), the NFL draft drones on (what is it now, three more weeks to go?), the Orioles continue to torment me with their success. Why torment? Because this team is so epically bad on paper, it is the team that truly looked like a rebuilding team, the kind of rebuilding that happens when you are building a sand castle at low tide. The kind of rebuilding that causes you to ditch the few assets with any value for a bunch of assets with even less value.
2011 looked like a team ready to make a leap based on what would turn out to be unfounded optimism. 2010 had a number of proven pieces that resembled a .500 team back in March. We know how those years turned out. Yet here we are about to turn the calendar to May and no matter what happens the Orioles will still be over .500 on May 1. So… what gives? READ MORE >>>
By Dave Gilmore, on April 24th, 2012  Jeff Zelevansky/Getty Images The NFL Draft has grown steadily in popularity every year since has been televised. Now a primetime event with an in-your-face buildup and breakdown, a portion of the public is understandably suffering from “draftlash,” a knee-jerk aversion to all things speculative and celebratory about the league’s annual labor influx.
Is the NFL Draft over-hyped and over-analyzed? Almost certainly. Is it still the best off-season event on the calendar of the best sport on the planet? Absolutely. Here’s five reasons why. READ MORE >>>
By Matt Sadler, on April 24th, 2012  The headlines hit a little close to home this weekend. I was checking the scores on ESPN.com on Saturday evening when I noticed the headline “Police: Ray Easterling shot himself.” Easterling, who spent several years as a safety for the Atlanta Falcons in the 70’s, had been suffering from CTE, dementia, and other effects from concussions sustained during his football career. Now I wouldn’t consider myself a friend of Ray Easterling, but I did have the chance to interact with him, and I have nothing but positive things to say about the man.
About five years ago, I was enrolled in a weight loss program that Ray helped form. Easterling was in charge of assisting us with the exercise component, and he was an incredible motivator. He was tough. It was awesome learning from a former NFL player and he did a great job in helping me get in gear. Yet despite the mental toughness that he tried to instill in us, he also was kind, generous and understanding. As I try to think back on my last experience with Ray, all I can remember was him kicking my ass in a spinning class. After class, he told me I did a great job and that he thought I would continue to do well taking the classes.
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By Weston Bruner, on April 21st, 2012  There is a lot to like about Dwight Howard. His relationship with the Magic is not one of them. The Dwight Howard saga is done for the remainder of the season. Correction: Dwight Howard is done for the remainder of the season. Thanks to machinations both externally and of his own creation, the star center- one of the few true centers with anything resembling a well-rounded game- the headlines aren’t set to quiet down very soon. While he will be sitting on the sidelines in a suit with his herniated disk, I am sure Coach Stan Van Gundy would much rather he stay home altogether. It’s a sad end for a year that started with anticipation and ends with just discomfort- and I am not talking about Howard’s back.
If the LeBron James Cleveland experience has taught us anything, it should be that teams are incapable of keeping a star player by prostrating themselves at his feet and trying to build a team to win a championship right now. All that has created is a scenario where the Magic are on the hook for Gilbert Arenas’ albatross of a contract and have compounded a long-term salary disaster over the past several years.
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By Dave Gilmore, on April 17th, 2012  Perhaps I’m just looking for a silver-lining after last night’s 4-3 loss by the Capitals to the Bruins. Or maybe I’m just geeked up for summer movie season. Being down two games to one isn’t an insurmountable hole from which to climb, but in the numbness that happens beyond the loss has me wondering why this series has already been so emotional.
The reason? The same reason I’m trying not to get my hopes up for Marvel’s The Avengers. It’s all about the villains.
Milan Lucic, Brad Marchand, Zdeno Chara and to a lesser extent Tim Thomas are like an all-star team of infuriating opponents all wearing the same sweater. They are coached by the joyless Claude Julien. They dress in black. They hail from the most obnoxious den of sports fandom in the Western world. Oh yeah, and they are the reigning conquerors of Lord Stanley’s Cup. They are, unequivocally, the greatest villains the Caps could’ve drawn for a first-round series. READ MORE >>>
By Patrick Guthrie, on April 16th, 2012  Delicious... I learned two things this week. 1) McDonald’s serves breakfast at 4:30 AM. An Egg McMuffin tastes just as good at the ass crack of dawn 2) I hate that small smear of toothpaste that sticks to the corner of your mouth even after you’re done rinsing. You can do things to the sink that would make the most seasoned porn star shudder and it’s still there, waiting for somebody to notice it and call you out for looking like that exact same porn star after wrapping a shoot. Then you’ve gotta wipe it off after you JUST washed your hands (not clean anymore). Oh yeah, and sports. I watched sports too.
How was your week?
Well, at the time I’m writing this, Camden Yards is still home to a winning baseball team, so I’d say pretty damn good. Granted, the Yankees sweep was rough, but that’s going to happen. Them boys from New York are pretty good, and they pick the bones clean against lefties (.360 OBP and .467 SLG vs. LHP in 2011 – both the best numbers in MLB). If Mark Reynolds had thrown the ball from A to B, and if Jones slapped a single up the middle, then we’re listening to Skip Bayless’ genius prognostication of the Orioles winning the World Series.
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By Weston Bruner, on April 14th, 2012  I consider that face the least that kharma could do. Bobby Petrino is a great football coach, and despite his ignominious background and unceremonious ouster from the University of Arkansas, he will find a job somewhere else- and sooner rather than later. But Petrino is not unique, as countless coaches have found themselves on the wrong end of a scandal in the last few years. He is also not unique in his affair, as men in power sleeping with attractive young women is almost a cliché in today’s society. No, Petrino’s crime, aside from lying to his boss, family, and the public, goes far deeper than that. It is the very thing that put Jessica Dorrell on the staff in the first place.
She was named Player Development Coordinator for the football team just a month ago, in front of 160 applicants for the position in an abbreviated hiring process (great SI story here on the details) that was spurred on by ex-Coach Petrino. He fast-tracked his mistress into a job that literally hundreds wanted because she was sleeping with him. This may not seem like a big deal on the outset, but in today’s economy the hiring process must be more sacrosanct than ever. There is no place for nepotism, for cronyism, for filling the ranks of your staff with friends and girlfriends when qualified people are waiting in the wings. READ MORE >>>
By Gregg Cobert, on April 10th, 2012  Sophomore Mychal Parker is leaving the Terps and transferring to a different program. At this time, no decision has been made by Parker. In his freshman season, he was little used and saw very little time on the court. However, in his sophomore season, he improved and was a contributor off the bench averaging 18 minutes and 4 points and 3 rebounds.
Parker is 6’5 and 195 pounds that played predominantly the wing positions this past year. Parker did not give a reason for transferring but one of the reasons may have been the crowded backcourt situation as Terrell Stoglin and Nick Faust seem entrenched for the Terps next year and Pe’Shon Howard returns from injuries as well as the incoming recruits.
Parker had a lot of talent and potential and Terps fans caught glimpses of it this past year like against Duke on February 11 when he had 12 points on 3 of 4 shooting and 6 for 6 from the charity stripe. I hope he does well wherever he transfers to and gets some playing time. While Parker’s leaving is a blow to the Terps, the crowded Terps backcourt opened up.
By Patrick Guthrie, on April 10th, 2012  Good morning Baltimore. If you listen to the BSR Podcast, you probably actually know who I am, good for you. If not, then maybe you’ve seen the one or two Maryland basketball posts I’ve done, or the few Maryland football previews I was able to muster up before the stink of the team overwhelmed me. Well, for a while now (last week) I’ve been trying to figure out what the best medium would be to post on this site more than once every 3 months. And after a few hours spent in seclusion mulling over deep thoughts (Pickles on Friday), I came up with the idea of an out of towner’s perspective of all the sports teams in this area.
I’ve lived down in Maryland for about 6 years now, and with the exception of the alma mater (Go Terps), I feel like I’ve got a pretty good handle on objective reality when it comes to Baltimore’s sports teams. Since this is the “let’s get to know each other” phase of the relationship, I’ll tell you a little about myself before giving my judgments on each of your kids.
In a family made up of exclusively of Giants-Yankees fans, I blame Wayne Chrebet and Todd Pratt for ruining my life as a sports fan. I lived next Wayne’s aunt and uncle as a little kid in New Jersey, and when he got drafted by the Jets, I contracted a serious case of Gang Green which has been festering for about 16 years now.
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By Dave Gilmore, on April 10th, 2012  “The whole thing is quite hopeless, so it’s no good worrying about tomorrow. It probably won’t come.” – Frodo, The Lord of the Rings
The Washington Capitals are 30 to 1 longshots to skate with Lord Stanley. Only the Florida Panthers, who bested them at almost every crucial juncture of the season and won the Southeast, have worse chances (40 to 1).
You can count on one hand the number of Capitals who are playing the best hockey of their careers, and none of them are guys whose jerseys are readily available for purchase in the team store. If you were to list the Capitals three goaltenders in reverse order of playoff readiness, you would get a list of the Capitals three goaltenders sorted by severity of injury.
There is, frankly, little rational reason to hope for anything other than an unceremonious dismissal and the dismantling of the roster. Not a single ESPN analyst out of 12 picked the Capitals to win their first round series against the Bruins.
The 2008-09, 2009-10, and 2010-11 Capitals did not wear the favorite hat well. Maybe the underdog is simply more their style.
And if anyone is an underdog, it’s these maddening 2011-12 Capitals. READ MORE >>>
By Zach Wilt, on April 6th, 2012  Click To Enlarge An hour before first pitch on Opening Day, the Ravens posted a photo on their official Facebook page asking Baltimore fans if they would rather be at M&T Bank Stadium than attending a game at Oriole Park At Camden Yards.
“Raise your hand if you’d rather be cheering in THIS stadium than a baseball stadium today,” the post read.
It’s since been removed and the Ravens issued an apology according to The Sun’s Matt Vensel. ”We made a mistake and we have apologized to the Orioles. In no way did we mean to disrespect the Orioles.” The Ravens also posted an image of the Oriole bird in purple uniform wishing the O’s a Happy Opening Day.
If the roles were reversed, this is exactly the type of thing that would have fans outraged and fuming for weeks. Small radio stations would be whining about the organization and piling on a team that hasn’t won in a decade in a half. Instead, this story will get brushed under the rug as the Ravens are the darling in this two sport town. The post was classless and highlights the problem with a portion of fans in this city.
The Ravens should be united with the Orioles and vise-versa. If the relationship isn’t pretty behind the scenes, then keep it behind the scenes.
Don’t try to separate the two fan bases.
And if you really want to know, I’d rather be at Camden Yards.
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