This recap and analysis of WWE’s Monday Night Raw are the personal opinions of the writer. The author of this article is a former promoter, writer, and referee in the wrestling industry. You won’t find analysis as accurate as this anywhere else on the internet.
WWE Monday Night Raw Results 2/13/12
Raw begins with Kane in the back. It’s a very tight shot where only his face is seen. He says that two things will happen tonight. Cena will embrace the hate and someone will take a ride in an ambulance. Because he and Cena will have an ambulance match at the Elimination Chamber Pay Per View this Sunday. Get it? The ambulance is there to hype the ambulance match. Yeah, you got it. Based on that start it looks like we could be in for another poor Raw!
Jerry “The King” Lawler is in the ring with with 6 podiums. Everyone in the Elimination Chamber match is in the ring behind their own podium. King says this will be the first ever Elimination Chamber debate. CM Punk claps sarcastically. The King introduces everyone one by one. CM Punk says “vote for me!” Get it? It’s like the presidential debates. Yeah, you got it. The crowd chants CM Punk very loudly. It’s so loud that you can’t hear Jerry Lawler. CM Punk says “what’s that? I can’t hear you.” John Laurinaitis comes out with David Otunga. Laurinaitis sucks up to the crowd and thanks everyone for supporting him as Raw GM. After a short promo he leaves cheerfully. Punk calls Laurinaitis snicklefritz and clown shoes. He says that Laurinaitis must have done a lot of begging to keep his job. Punk says he will win at Elimination Chamber because he’s the best wrestler in the world. I just noticed that Jericho’s jacket is lit up and shimmering in the background. That made me laugh.
It’s time for Dolph Ziggler to speak. Ziggler says he’s better than everyone. He didn’t speak quickly like he should be doing every night. He says that R-Truth doesn’t know what state they are in. R-Truth says if he’s elected he’s trading Dolph and Vickie to Smackdown for Hornswoggle and a box of spiders. R-Truth calls Jerry Lawler “your honor.” He also says if he’s elected he will add the word “what” after every line of the Pledge of Allegiance. He gets back to the spiders and says he will make spider stew out of them. He also says that his running mate is Little Jimmy. Little Jimmy will watch him eat his spider stew which will give him the strength to win. That was actually kinda funny. The Miz says “he was” the main event of Wrestlemania last year. Miz says Kofi Kingston is an after thought, R-Truth is crazy, CM Punk is 0-2 in the Chamber, Dolph Ziggler scores with old women, and that he isn’t a copier of Jericho. They cut Miz off with a buzzer. Miz won’t stop talking. The use the buzzer multiple times and everyone tries to get him to stop talking. It actually got awkward. What is this? A bad NXT episode? You can’t cut guys off with great microphone skills like you do to those rookies on that show. It’s pretty absurd what they did to Miz tonight.
Kofi Kingston says he’s tired of being underestimated. Chris Jericho says everyone in the ring is a neophyte. No idea what that means, but I love his vocabulary. Let’s look it up. It means “a beginner or novice.” Fascinating. He also says he’s been in more Chamber matches and has eliminated more guys in the Chamber than anyone ever. The last time he was in the Elimination Chamber he won the world championship. He says his accomplishments are better than the other 5 guys combined. He calls CM Punk a little boy and tells him to give up his WWE Championship right now. CM Punk says he wasn’t listening to a word Jericho was saying. He was thinking about how Jericho left the WWE and finished 7th on Dancing With The Stars.
Ziggler says this is a waste of time. R-Truth says Dolph is named after flipper and makes some sort of a dolphin sound. That ends the debate. Chris Jericho takes off his jacket, pushes podiums, and walks up to Punk. Punk raises his WWE Championship. Jericho turns around and is hit with Trouble In Paradise by Kofi Kingston. What just happened in that segment? It was a little entertaining, a little frustrating, and a little ridiculous all at the same time. I’m still angry about what they did to The Miz. Apparently he’s starting to go in the doghouse, and for no apparent reason. He was chewed out backstage last week, Alberto Del Rio did a shoot interview about him on some radio station, and now they cut off his promo. Are you kidding me? Please stop being ridiculous. Use the guy the right way. It’s not funny.
Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston- Kofi attacks Jericho with kicks and stomps in the corner. I would have thought Jericho would have started on offense. That is what would have made sense following the Trouble In Paradise spot. Kofi hits more kicks, punches, a clothesline to the outside, and a suicide dive. Kofi slams Jericho’s head off the announce table. Then he does a 10 count on the top rope. Finally, Jericho hits some offense and uses a powerbomb off the top rope. This is Jericho’s first one on one match since returning to the WWE. Jericho punches Kofi’s head on the mat, uses a back body drop, and a running senton. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him use that before. Chin lock by Jericho while Kofi fights up. Kofi misses a dropkick after Jericho hangs on to the ropes. Grounded dropkick by Jericho. Chops in the corner, and an Irish Whip by Jericho. Kofi jumps up the turnbuckle and hits a cross body. Kofi jumps off the top rope but is caught in the Walls of Jericho. Kofi makes it to the ropes for the break. Jericho argues with the referee. He turns around and is hit with Trouble In Paradise again. Kofi covers Jericho but he gets his foot on the bottom rope to break the pinfall. Kofi stays on Jericho in the ropes, but the referee attempts to pull him off. He’s trying to pull him off because you can’t attack a guy who is attached to the ropes. While the referee is pulling on Kofi, Jericho hits an illegal thumb to the eye. Code Breaker by Jericho for the win. Solid opening match. Good to see that Jericho doesn’t have much ring rust. Great to see him wrestling again.
Shawn Michaels is in the back walking. He walks up to Triple H and they hug. Awwwwwww.
John Cena and Zack Ryder are in the back. Ryder is in a neckbrace and wheel chair. He has a dozen red roses. All Ryder wants to talk about is Eve. He wants to tell her that he loves her tonight. Cena wants Ryder to stay in his locker room. He says that he will go find Eve for him.
John Laurinaitis and David Otunga are in the back. This is a lot of “in the back” already. Too much for my liking. Laurinaitis is talking about staying on as the Raw GM. Otunga mentions that he is still “interim GM”. Otunga has a plan to make Laurinaitis the permanent Raw GM and the GM of Smackdown.
Daniel Bryan makes his way to the ring. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, World Heavyweight Champion, World Heavyweight Champion, World Heavyweight Champion. Bryan is doing commentary for the next match.
The Big Show vs. Randy Orton- Interesting match. I like face vs face matches. I like heel vs. heel matches more. But face vs. face matches are more rare. We haven’t seen one since Cena vs. Ryder many weeks ago. Big Show and Orton went at each other on Smackdown this past week. It was built pretty well. Daniel Bryan got himself disqualified….again….by having Big Show attack him. Orton was angry that he lost by DQ, so he attacked Big Show. On to this match. Big Show tosses Orton down to start the match. Orton gets up quickly and attacks him. The two exchange blows. Very fast paced start. I like it. Orton punches away at Big Show and is hit with a huge chop. Orton rolls to the outside and drops Big Show’s arm down over the top rope. He climbs back in but is hit with a side slam. Big Show goes for the Weapon of Mass Destruction but Orton rolls to the outside. Nice quick start. Commercial. Hopefully we won’t miss too much.
Back from commercial Big Show is in a sleeper hold. Daniel Bryan is just sitting in the commentary chair and doesn’t have a mic on. I really wanted to hear him talk. Michael Cole is all of a sudden Daniel Bryan’s biggest fan. That I hate. Big Show gets out of the sleeper and hits a body smash in the corner. He goes for a second but Orton drop kicks him. Orton goes for the cover but is bench pressed to the outside. Big Show follows him and slams Orton’s head into the commentary table. Big Show tosses Orton back in and then walks up to Daniel Bryan. Bryan points him in the right direction. Big Show climbs up the apron but is hit with another drop kick. Orton actually hits his hanging DDT off the ropes on Big Show. Spot of the night. Awesome. Daniel Bryan even pops for it.
Orton hits the RKO but it’s botched. It looks like Big Show was supposed to toss Orton but Big Show dropped instead. Big Show appeared to be one spot early. Big Show goes for the WMD but Orton ducks it and hits a real RKO. Daniel Bryan comes out of nowhere with the World Heavyweight Championship and nails Orton across the head. Then he hits Big Show. Daniel Bryan holds his title high. The crowd is great tonight. They chant “Daniel Bryan.” It’s a real shame that the RKO spot was botched. I was going to talk about how good of a match this was. Because I really liked the match. But because the spot was botched I’ll skip the praise. Daniel Bryan was great. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes yes, yes, yes.
Shawn Michaels comes to the ring. People in the crowd bow to him. Good to see one of the greatest wrestlers of all time again. I’m hoping for a non corny promo or storyline. Michaels says you can’t have Wrestlemania season without Mr. Wrestlemania. He says last week he was waiting for Triple H to accept The Undertaker’s challenge. After Triple H’s shocking answer he called Laurinaitis and wanted to come to Raw to talk to Triple H. He says after a few days he realized that Triple H must have been joking. He wants Triple H to come out and announce that he will end The Undertaker’s Wrestlemania undefeated streak.
Triple H comes out and they hug again. Awwwwwwwww #2. Did you know the Westminster dog show thing is on some other channel tonight? It keeps scrolling across the bottom over and over and over again. Triple H says its great to see Shawn and that it would be nice to see him more than once a year. Did Triple H just put him on the spot in the ring? Triple H says he will not face The Undertaker and that he thought he made it pretty clear last week. They have a friendly disagreement. Triple H says he knows what he has to do to beat The Undertaker. He says to beat him he has to end him. He says he’s not that guy anymore. Michaels says thats exactly who he is. He wants to know if the suit is who Triple H really is now. Michaels says “are you telling me that you married that chick, and now you became one of them?” He asks Triple H if he’s a corporate sellout. Triple H doesn’t want to have this argument. Michaels says when a man challenges you, and you back down, that makes you a coward.
Triple H goes to walk away but Shawn grabs him and pulls him back. Triple H has grown angry. The crowd chants “one more match.” Triple H says Michaels can’t understand his position. They are now shouting at each other. Triple H says the company will one day be his and that the responsibility eats him up. He looks at The Undertaker as a brand that is good for business. He says that him, Shawn, and Undertaker are the end of an era. Would that be the era of politicians? Just asking. Triple H says The Undertaker is all that’s left and that he will not end the era. Triple H says he won’t feed the ego of anyone including Michaels. He says Michaels wants to live vicariously through him and for Triple H to do something that Michaels couldn’t get done. Michaels says that speech doesn’t work on him. He wants Triple H to look him in the eyes and tell him that he doesn’t want to end The Undertaker’s streak. He wants him to look him in the eyes and tell him “no.” Triple H goes to walk away again, but gets his jacket ripped off. He looks in Shawn’s eyes and says “no.” Michaels leaves angrily. Nice promo tonight. That finally made some sense out of this storyline. I completely buy Triple H’s reasoning for not wanting to face Undertaker.
Triple H goes to exit the ring when the gong hits. The lights go out. Another video. Same scene as last week. Undertaker stands up from the chair and watches Triple H tell him no from last week. He keeps saying “this is not over.” Undertaker picks up a razor and starts to cut his hair off. These videos are weird. You never see The Undertaker’s face and things don’t move sequentially. The clips are pretty jumpy and words are warped. Definitely reminds me of something from a horror movie. HHH and HBK is officially trending on Twitter.
Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero vs. R-Truth- Troy Polamalu is sitting in the front row with his family. Ew. Ziggler apparently doesn’t get an entrance but R-Truth does. I don’t see the logic in that. Ziggler kicks R-Truth in the gut. Firemans carry. R-Truth does a split and hits a single leg drop kick. Truth misses a charge in the corner and goes shoulder first. Dropkick by Ziggler. He struts around. Chin lock that lasts way too long. Ziggler turns the chin lock into a headstand. Funny spot. He has definitely evolved the showman gimmick. R-Truth finally gets out and the two exchange punches to gain momentum and quicken the pace. Ziggler slams him down and hits a nice knee drop. He does sit ups on Truth. Truth rolls the sit ups into a small package for the win. Nice finish! I love the showmanship, but once in awhile it has to cost him. And that’s exactly what it did!
Santino walks into Zack Ryder’s locker room. He gives Ryder his own breath mints to try to impress Eve. Ryder gags. Santino says it’s garlic. I gag. But only because of the poor humor.
Tamina vs. Nikki Bella- Leapfrog to start by Tamina with a face bump. Nikki rolls to the outside. She takes control when she gets back in. Brie Bella jumps up on the apron but Tamina hits her with a headbutt. Samoan drop by Tamina. Beth is on commentary talking about how much she loves the Diva’s Championship. Superfly Splash by Tamina for the win. Beth gets up and stares at her. Apparently they have a match this Sunday at Elimination Chamber. What a waste of two minutes.
Hype video for The Rock. It shows him in Hollywood and on the movie set. And with that we go to John Cena.
John Cena is interviewed. Before he talks about The Rock he hears Eve scream. A shot is shown of Eve running into the back of the ambulance away from Kane. Cena attacks Kane. He knocks him down and tries to get Eve to open the door. Kane jumps in the front seat and goes to drive it away. Eve opens the back door and jumps out into Cena’s arms. She kisses Cena! They look off to the side where Zack Ryder is sitting and shaking. How did that hostile and crazy environment switch to such an awkward environment that quickly? I don’t remember anyone ever running from Michael Myers and then forgetting about the chase because they shared a passionate kiss.
Zack Ryder and Eve are in the back. Ryder is angry and is wheeling himself away from Eve. Eve runs after him to apologize. She really wants them to be friends. Ryder is even angrier by that line and rolls away. We have ourselves an interesting little soap opera storyline! I really don’t want to go into great detail or opinion on something like this. I don’t write recaps of Days of our Lives for a reason. Poor Zack is the #1 worldwide trend on Twitter.
WWE Champion CM Punk vs. The Miz- Huge potential in this match. Unless they start burying Miz like they did John Morrison. Tie-up to start. Punk does a leg sweep. Miz charges him but is caught with a hard boot to the face. Much like the move that The Miz typically does himself. Miz takes control in the corner. He drives Punk into the turnbuckle face first. Russian leg sweep by Miz, followed by an arm hold. Punk fights out with forearms in the face. Miz counters the Irish whip with a back shoulder breaker. He goes for the neck breaker but Punk hits a Yakuza kick to the head. Mongolian chop by Punk. Nice moves in this match! Miz is hit with clotheslines, a swinging neck breaker, high knees in the corner, and a bulldog. Punk sets up for Go To Sleep. Miz counters with a stomp to the shin. Hard DDT from the knees. Punk powers up to the corner. Miz hits the running hanging clothesline through the ropes. Miz misses off the top and is hit with a snap power slam. Excellent match. I don’t expect anything less from Punk…or The Miz for that matter. Punk goes to the top rope but is cut off by punches from The Miz. Punk fights back and knocks Miz on the mat with another Mongolian chop. Macho Man Flying Elbow Drop off the top. Another GTS is countered. Skull Crushing Finale is countered into the Anaconda Vice. Miz taps out. Punk wins. Great match. Jericho is watching from the back. He is smiling. His jacket is sparkling.
The ambulance returns. It backs up into the arena once again. Jerry Lawler says “oh no!” I can’t wait to see Kane again!
John Cena comes to the ring. Cena says he tried to apologize to Zack Ryder, but Ryder wouldn’t listen. He said it was Kane’s plan all along to turn his friends and the WWE Universe against him. He says the plan would have worked if it were anybody else. The crowd chants “we all hate you.” Wow. Harsh chant. That one is original. Cena says people like that don’t understand that he’s comfortable with who he is. He says he’s not a fruity pebble with lady parts. The crowd starts to chant “fruity pebbles.” Hot crowd tonight. Cena says Sunday he will put Kane in an ambulance. He also has a message for The Rock.
Zack Ryder comes rolling out to the ring. He pulls himself up from the wheelchair and walks down the ramp on his crutches. He pulls himself into the ring and walks to the center. Ryder knocks the mic out of Cena’s hand. Cena tries to reason with him but gets smacked across the face. Cena takes his shirt off. Ryder yells “you were never my friend.” Ryder goes to punch him but Cena catches his arm. Cena goes to punch him back but stops. Ryder falls to the ground. Yet another heel turn tease.
Kane is on the big screen. Yes! Finally! Kane says Cena stole the one true love of his friend. He says that’s even lower than he could go. He said Cena finally embraced the hate. He did? Seeing how the feud will end this Sunday I guess that means this was the official end of the “embrace the hate” storyline. Cena kissing Eve was the end. How stupid.
Kane comes running out to the entrance ramp where Ryder was sitting. He grabs the wheel chair and rolls it straight over the entrance ramp and down to the floor. Pretty funny to watch! Nice spot. Cena runs down to Ryder and tries to get help. He tries to gain realism by giving the X with his arms. The arm X is a sign given by referees and staff when a wrestler is legitimately injured. The more you know! Eve runs out crying. The crowd boos her pretty loudly. Cena and Eve are shaken up as Ryder is loaded onto a stretcher. There is no commentary. It’s just natural sound from the crowd. That adds dramatic effect. Raw goes off the air with Ryder on the stretcher and everyone sad.
Decent show. Decent compared to last week. Bad compared to two weeks ago. They took the opposite approach of last week and decided to use the 6 guys in the Elimination Chamber match to fill out the entire show. This brought better wrestling. Just as I said it would last week. CM Punk vs. Miz was very good. Big Show vs. Orton was very good minus the botch. Jericho vs. Kingston was solid. The HBK/HHH segment was pretty good. The podium thing off the top was decent. The finish to R-Truth and Ziggler was good. The Cena, Ryder, Eve, Kane stuff wasn’t as bad as it has been in the past. The progression of Cena’s character is kinda interesting. Which means the only bad segment this week was the diva’s squash match. Here’s my main question. Where the hell was Sheamus???? HE WON THE ROYAL RUMBLE. This is getting to be a joke. And why has The Funkasaurus been taken off tv lately? Do they not think he’s been doing a good job? Are they fixing things with him? Are they trying to keep him fresh? Are they dropping the gimmick and repackaging him? Let’s hope for a good PPV this Sunday. As of next Monday night the next PPV in line is Wrestlemania! Who’s ready for the most exciting time of the year?
Follow Mark Brown on Twitter @FantasyGodmb.