Paulina Gretzky

It’s that time…

Time for you to take the fun money you have won thanks to yours truly and buy someone a gift via our Amazon tab to your right. That’s because this back-patter had another winning week (2-1 survivor, 2-1 selections). And if it wasn’t for that December bum Tony Romo, you could probably get yourself something nice as well.

So with that shameless, holiday plug out of the way, let’s make you some fun money for your New Year’s Party you won’t score at.

Week 16: Survivor Selections

1. Denver Broncos (-10.5) – This selection is as easy as getting Penelope Cruz to do a nude scene in a movie. The Broncos need to win out to secure not only the AFC West title, but secure the #1 seed overall only to have a Wild Card team come into their building and rip their fake, Donkey fans hearts out once again. Safe to say the Texans are as dead as Peter O’Toole (RIP).

2. San Diego (Super) Chargers (-10) – No bias here. The Bolts are doing their normal late season dance winning games for no reason only to just miss the playoffs. The Faiders let Jamal Charles do a Barry Sanders impression in the “Lack Hole” last weekend en route to giving up 56 points. I expect Phillip Rivers and his TD-mini van full of kids seeing early Xmas lights early in Mission Valley.

3. Cincinnati Bengals (-7.5) – That sound you hear, Marvin Lewis, is the Ravens making their normal late season push. The other sound you hear is your team acting like the “Bungals” dropping games they shouldn’t. This one is as close of a must-win as you can get for the Queen City until the Ravens come a calling next Sunday. Bengals win, but the gritty Vikings don’t make it easy.

NFL Gaming Selections

1. New Orleans/Carolina (over 47) – Memo to degens everywhere; “Drew Brees doesn’t have back-back bad games”. Last week we had the Rams as a selection because it was a trap/sandwich game for the Saints. Coming off hammering the Panthers at home with them again (this week) provided the perfect recipe for a Saints let down. That won’t be the case this week as this one is for all the NFC South marbles. Expect both Brees and Cam Newton to play well in perfect, conditions.

Nuggets: The Over is 4-1 in the last 5 meetings.

2. Denver Broncos (-10.5) – Love good teams coming off losses. Add to that the opponent has mailed in the season and the Broncos need to win out to secure the #1 seed overall. I expect to see Brock Osweiler (Donkeys backup from ASU) in the 4th quarter as Manning takes a jet early to New Orleans to hang with the family for Christmas.

Nuggets: Broncos are 5-0 ATS in their last 5 games following a SU loss. Texans are 1-6 ATS in their last 7 home games.

3. Jacksonville Jags (+5.5) – “My” Jags are making my kids Christmas’ so much better. Why is that you ask? Because this gritty team that will probably be playing their home games in London come 2016 has been covering as well as Jimmy Smith of late. Four out of their last 6 contests to be exact and this one should make it 5 of 7.

Nuggets: Titans are 1-5 ATS in their last 6 in Jacksonville.

Ravens Angle

Global warming, anyone? The reason I ask is because the Ravens will be hosting their douchey rivals to the north (New England) in San Diego type conditions (70 + degrees). That is quite the opposite of the conditions the Purple and Black have been accustom of late as the last time they were playing at the Bank, it was a snowy mess.

And as someone who doesn’t have a dog in this fight, my non-partial glasses are as clear as my Christmas cocktail. The Ravens are as hot as a Paulina Gretzky instagram photo winning 5 of 6 and 4 straight. Add in Head Coach John Harbaugh’s absurd home record (31-4) and you can see where my gangster lean is on this one.

Now that’s not to say Tom Brady and his cast of misfit toy weapons couldn’t pull the mini upset (only a 2.5 dog) as they have played 7 straight games decided by 3 points or less. Both teams control their respective division destinies, but it’s the Ravens who “need” this one just a bit more. The Pats are playing for playoff seeding (even though they still haven’t wrapped up the East), while the Ravens with a win could position themselves into the #2 seed overall if everything breaks right.

And I expect to see Obi Won Hoodie, a.k.a Bill Belichick, doing his best “They just made more plays than us” speeches in the post game presser come late Sunday. That’s because I see Jimmy Smith with a game-changing pick sprinkled in with some more Legatron bombs in a Ravens 34-27 win. Merry Christmas to all and to all a Good Night!