The Orioles’ recent demotion of Henry Urrutia has once again raised the troublesome question of who in the ever-loving blazes is going to serve as a competent designated hitter for the Orioles in 2013.

That, however, is not the only troubling issue regarding Urrutia’s brief and puzzling tenure in the O’s lineup. Thankfully, Baltimorons’ unpaid staffer Scotty D. Intern has done some digging, and come up with the long-awaited answers to these quandaries:
Henry Urrutia

  • Q: What do you call Henry Urrutia when he is eating cubes of bread dipped in a warm cheese sauce?
    A: Henry Fondue-rrutia.
  • Q: What do you call Henry Urrutia when he is learning to speak Tibetan in the mountains of Nepal?
    A: Henry Kathmandu-rrutia.
  • Q: What do you call Henry Urrutia when he is main-lining a sickly green-colored beverage in an attempt to pull an all-nighter?
    A: Henry Mountain Dew-rrutia.
  • Q: What do you call Henry Urrutia when he decides to learn how to play a musical instrument during a period of self-discovery in college?
    A: Henry Didgeridoo-rrutia.
  • Q: What do you call the number of times Henry Urrutia managed to pull the ball to right field during his brief tenure in Baltimore?
    A: Henry Two-rrutia.

The Baltimorons are grateful, as we’re certain you are, that Scotty was able to get to the bottom of these difficult questions. We are also, however, confident that he missed a few, as he is not only stupid, but also not compensated financially for his work on our show, so he has limited time to spend on the tasks we assign him between overnight shifts at Royal Farms.  Please let us know if there are other Urrutia Inquiries you would like answered, either here in the comments or at

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  1. What do you call Henry Urrutia when he goes out to get the paper in the morning and his feet get wet on the grass?

    Henry Morning Dew-rrutia

    What did Henry Urrutia’s teammates call him when he got demoted and went to his room to cry and drink a bottle of wine?

    Henry Corkscrew-rrutia.

    And how about when he opened a 6 pack of Natty Bohs?

    Henry Brew-rrutia

  2. AVI MILLER FTW–thank you, these rule!

  3. Baltimorons,

    Puns are one of my favorite staples of your show (bested only, of course, by visits from “Dan Duquette”). Thanks for opening the door for this.

    Q: What do you call Henry Urrutia when he emulates Chris Davis’ jaw?
    A: Henry Big League Chew-rrutia

    Q: What do you call Henry Urrutia, when reviewing his power potential?
    A: Henry Long Overdue-rrutia

    Q: What do you call Henry Urrutia when he helps out around the stadium?
    A: Henry Grounds Crew-ruttia

    Q: What do you call Henry Urrutia when he masters the ancient arts?
    A: Henry Kung Fu-rrutia

    Q: What will we call him when Henry Urrutia gets back to the majors?
    A: Henry Deja vu-rrutia

    Q: What do you call Henry Urrutia when he starts discussing his favorite political doctrines?
    A: Henry Judicial Review-rrutia

    And lastly…

    Q: What do you call him if we interview him on our show?
    B: Henry Bird’s Eye View-rrutia

  4. Hash Tag Bested At Our Own Game

  5. I really feel sorry for those amoung us who have no life,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

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