WWE Raw Results 4/23 Brock Lesnar, Edge, and Paul Bearer Appearances

WWE Raw Results 4/23 Brock Lesnar, Edge, and Paul Bearer Appearances

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This recap and analysis of WWE’s Monday Night Raw are the personal opinions of the writer. The author of this article is a former promoter, writer, and referee in the wrestling industry. You won’t find analysis as accurate as this anywhere else on the internet.

WWE Monday Night Raw Results 4/23/12- Three Hour Special

Raw begins with Teddy Long introducing John Cena.  You know it’s going to be a bad night when Teddy Long is the first person you see.  Teddy Long then introduces Brock Lesnar.  John Laurinaitis comes out and yells at Teddy.  He says Lesnar isn’t in the building yet.  He delegates things for Teddy to tell Cena, even though Cena can hear him.  He gets big heat for that.  Hot crowd so far.  Laurinaitis tells Teddy to tell Cena to leave the ring.  Teddy tells Cena to leave.  Kinda funny.  Teddy Long is trending on Twitter.  Laurinaitis begins to introduce himself when Edge’s music hits.

WWE Hall of Famer Edge comes to the ring.  Edge makes a comment about how his contract is up.  That is a real life situation and it was kinda cool to see him bring it up.  I’m all for breaking kayfabe to make things more risque.  Edge says that Cena isn’t the same anymore.  He brings up all the times that Cena beat him.  He says that Cena is like all the other big stars after something major happened to them.  He brings up Bret Hart after the Montreal screw job and The Rock after losing to Brock Lesnar.  He tells Cena if he doesn’t wake up its a slap in the face to guys like Shawn Michaels, Undertaker, and Edge.  He screams at Cena to “wake up.”  He says “I’m not asking you to beat Brock Lesnar.  I’m telling you to.”  Excellent promo by Edge.  Really made sense of this Cena losing streak angle.  Cena is shaken up and doesn’t speak.  That’s the way it should have ended.  With the exception of the Teddy Long/Laurinaitis thing that was a good opening to Raw.  It’s almost as if they already announced that the contract signing would start the show, which they did, and then did a rewrite later in the day, but still had to address the contract signing.  The only negative is that a contract signing will probably main event this show.  I hate shows that aren’t main evented by a wrestling match.  And there is nobody out there that gets excited over a contract signing.  It’s probably the worst and laziest booking idea that can be used to hype a match.

Chris Jericho vs. Kofi Kingston- Jericho hasn’t wrestled on Raw in awhile.  It was refreshing to see his entire entrance again with the blacked out lights and sparkling jacket.  Why is Kofi the only guy that he ever wrestles though?  At least the matches are good.  Jericho breaks a tie up to start with a knee lift to the gut.  He knee lifts Kofi in the corner.  Kofi reverses an Irish whip and kicks Jericho weakly in the corner.  Kofi sends Jericho off the ropes and uses a monkey flip, hip tosses, a drop kick, and clotheslines Jericho over the rope and to the floor.  Kofi uses his fake out suicide dive where he stops on the top rope with his neck.  I haven’t seen him do that in years.  I like that spot.  Jericho gets back in the ring and is wrestled to the mat with a hammerlock.  Not sure about this change in pace for Kofi.  It didn’t really make sense to me.  It’s as if Kofi couldn’t think of something better to do.  Jericho must have realized this because he decided to quickly take over the match.  Jericho pokes Kofi in the eye and clotheslines him after the turn.  He plays to the hot crowd.  Headlock by Jericho on the mat.  He’s whipped into the ropes, dodges two leap frogs, but is hit with a high back elbow.  Kofi runs off the ropes but is body pressed into the mat.  Jericho chops and kicks Kofi in the corner.  He misses a splash and falls to the outside floor.  Kofi uses a very nice 450 dive over the top rope to the outside.  Kofi is really improving his arsenal.  I’m so glad he is because he’s been stale for awhile.  That was the commercial spot.  “Kofi Kingston”, “Chris Jericho”, and “Cerebral Assassin” are trending on Twitter.  Michael Cole called Jericho the new Cerebral Assassin at one point.

Back from break Kofi is in a chin lock.  Jericho used a springboard dropkick during the break.  Kofi uses a rollup for a two count.  Jericho comes back with an enzuguri kick.  After wearing Kofi down with an arm hold, Jericho uses a running bulldog.  He misses the Lionsault and Kofi comes back with a hurricanrana.  Running chops by Kofi.  He goes for the Boom Drop, but Jericho pops up with a hard clothesline.  Jericho uses some hard chops of his own.  Irish whip into the corner, but Kofi moves, swings through the ropes, and kicks Jericho in the face.  Cross body off the top rope by Kofi, followed by the SOS.  Two count.  Kofi goes back to the top and uses a cross body drop to Jericho’s back.  Nice move.  Boom Drop by Kofi.  Jericho reverses the Trouble In Paradise into a Walls of Jericho attempt.  Kofi spins his legs and sends Jericho to the mat.  Kofi goes to the top rope again and is hit with the Code Breaker in mid air.  Nasty Walls of Jericho with the knee in the back of the head.  Kofi taps out.  Jericho wins.  Excellent match.

Jericho gets on the mic and says he will become the new WWE Champion at Extreme Rules this Sunday.  He says CM Punk knows about being extreme because he has an extremely alcoholic father.  He talks about the rest of his family again.  He says that in front of his entire family he will see an extreme beating.  Jericho says he will present Punk with a gift later tonight.  He says “I’m the best in the world at everything I do.”  “Lionsault”, “Liontamer”, and “Walls of Jericho” are all trending on Twitter.  Walls of Jericho is the #1 trend worldwide.  These trends probably have to do with Michael Cole calling the moves by the wrong names.  This Raw must have a lot of viewers because its dominating Twitter.

Flashback video of Brock Lesnar’s first match.  He destroyed that piece of trash, non psychological, spot monkey, druggie Jeff Hardy.  I’m disappointed that I had to mention that name in one of my articles.  Oh god, Jeff Hardy is trending on Twitter.

Eve Torres and John Laurinaitis are in the back.  Laurinaitis has an opening in his administration.  He wants Eve to be Executive Administrator.  She says she would be honored.  They shake hands.

Another Brock Lesnar highlight video.  It’s the same one that they aired last week.  Why is this show 3 hours long again?  They aren’t really taking advantage of that extra hour.  They are pretty much filling it with re-used crap.  My honest guess is that they planned on doing the draft tonight and changed their minds.  So they were stuck with this pointless 3 hour show that they booked awhile back.  It’s great hype for the PPV, but very boring for the viewer.

CM Punk is interviewed by Josh Matthews.  He shows his gift from Jericho.  It’s a basket of liquor.  He says he’s going to re-gift it and gives it to Josh Matthews.  He keeps the Jack Daniels because he wants to pour it on Jericho at Extreme Rules.  It also has significance in a later storyline. “Brock Lesnar”, “Josh Matthews”, and “#liquorbasket” are all trending on Twitter.

R-Truth vs. Lord Tensai- How come Tensai gets to wrestle real opponents after only two weeks but Brodus Clay has squash matches for like 3 months?  Tensai has an “earlier today” promo where he talks in half English half Japanese.  Jerry Lawler said he thought he heard the word tomato in there.  Tensai looks like Shredder as usual.  Time for Truth to be destroyed.  Tensai starts with clubs to the back.  Truth fights back with punches, does a split, and does a heel kick.  Tensai does not bump.  Uppercut from Tensai.  He hits Truth with a shoulder block.  Tensai headbutts Truth in the corner multiple times.  The crowd chants “yes yes yes” with every headbutt.  Here we go again.  Love it.  Tensai uses a hanging vertical suplex followed by a running senton.  Land of the Rising Sun powerbomb.  Tensai does the mist spit into his hand and uses a head claw.  He sweeps the legs of Truth with the claw attached and gets the pinfall.  Tensai was stiff as usual.  I really like this guy.  A future world champion.  He’s very stiff and his character is realistic and believable.  “R-Truth”, “Lil Jimmy”, “#Raw”, “A-Train”, and “Lord Tensai” are all trending on Twitter.  That’s half of the worldwide trends all at once.

Kane comes to the ring.  I still really like his entrance.  The pause between music and explosion, the red smoke, and the metal mask are pretty sweet.  Now I’m sure he’s going to pick up a microphone and ruin everything.  Ugh.  Kane says Sunday is his favorite night of the year because the WWE gets extreme.  Gag me.  “That means bad things for Randy Orton.”  Sigh.  He talks about hitting Orton’s father with a lead pipe.  I’d rather see Mark Henry wrestle than listen to this.  He rambles about being a monster in a nightmare.  Randy Orton is on the Titan Tron.  He’s returning the favor to Kane.  He has Paul Bearer tied up in a wheel chair.  Everyone pops for Paul Bearer!  He wheels him into a freezer.  It was actually a pretty awesome shot of him being wheeled into a blue light with smoke.  Kane says his father is the devil himself and that he has no intentions of saving Bearer.  Poor Paul Bearer.  I wish we could have listened to him speak.  Orton comes running down the aisle.  They brawl around the ring.  Orton hits Kane multiple times with a lead pipe.  He sends him over the barricade.  Kane exits through the crowd.  Does this mean Paul Bearer has frozen to death?  Did Orton just murder a man?  In his last three WWE runs he’s been buried in cement, thrown off a cliff, and frozen in a freezer.  Funny stuff.  “Kane”, “#Raw”, and “Paul Bearer” are trending on Twitter.  Paul Bearer is the #1 trend worldwide oooohhhhhh yyyyyeeeeessssssss!!!

Alex Riley and Chris Jericho are in the back.  Riley says Punk kicked him out of the locker room because he caught him drinking a bottle out of the gift basket.  Jericho and him walk over to the door and peak in at Punk multiple times.  He is drinking something while on the phone.  Jericho seems kind of surprised and smiles.  Alex Riley is trending on Twitter.  I guess it made the most sense to tie Riley into the alcohol storyline given his past DUI’s.

Alberto Del Rio and Cody Rhodes w/ Ricardo Rodriguez vs. Intercontinental Champion The Big Show and The Great Khali- What an awful tag team.  The later one of course.  This has no chance to be good with Khali in it.  I hope he falls down again.  Rhodes starts with Khali.  Khali misses a kick and is chopped.  Khali throws him in the corner and uses a clothesline.  Rhodes goes for another kick but that one is also caught.  Khali chops the knee of Rhodes.  This plays to the idea that Rhodes took out Khali’s knee on Smackdown.  Not that you care about a Khali storyline.  Del Rio is tagged in.  He kicks the leg of Khali.  Khali doesn’t sell it and comes back with another clothesline.  He throws Del Rio into the same corner and uses….you guessed it…a chop.  Over/under 14 chops in this match?  Commercial break.  The Blu Ray release of some Mark Wahlberg movie is much more entertaining to watch than this match.  “Big Show and Khali” and “Great Khali” are trending on Twitter.

Back from break Khali and Del Rio are on the mat.  Hot tag to Big Show.  Clotheslines.  Lots of them.  Big Show runs off the rope, but Ricardo pulls the rope down, which sends Big Show to the outside.  Ricardo and Rhodes stomp Big Show while the referee is distracted.  Big Show is holding his knee.  What is their fascination with selling the knees recently?  I guess its the easiest thing to target on a big man, but how lazy is that psychology?  I mean, Del Rio uses an arm submission.  It makes much more sense to target the arm.  Big Show makes it back into the ring at a 9 count.  Rhodes is tagged in and targets Big Show’s knee.  Del Rio is tagged and does the same.  The continue to tag quickly between themselves and work the knee.  Big Show kicks Del Rio off.  Rhodes is tagged.  He goes for a chokeslam but Rhodes kicks his knee.  Figure 4 leg lock by Rhodes.  Nothing is trending on Twitter right now, showing you what the people think of this match.  Big Show chops Rhodes after what seemed like 15 minutes of the Figure 4.  Rhodes tries to tag Del Rio, but Del Rio walks out and heads up the ramp.  Big Show throws Rhodes around.  Khali chops Rhodes in the head from the apron.  Chokeslam by Big Show for the win.  Pretty bad match.

Extreme Rules Pre Show is announced.  A half hour before the PPV on Sunday there will be a United States Championship match between Santino Marella and The Miz.  This must be addressed.  As The Miz would say….really?  Really?  A championship match on the pre show?  What does that tell you about Santino Marella as champion?  What does that tell you about how much Miz has been buried?  Here is what they need to do to fix this situation.  The Miz needs to win this title.  The title is worthless right now.  The Miz’s character is also worthless because of how bad he’s been booked.  Santino Marella is worthless.  So let The Miz win this worthless title on a meaningless pre show and then begin to rebuild him and the title.  Let him hold that thing for a damn year.  Whatever it takes to give him something to do, and to once again give that title value.  It’s the only solution.  If Santino wins they might as well retire the title and release Miz.  “Extreme Rules” and “The Miz” are trending on Twitter.

Chris Jericho, Eve Torres, John Laurinaitis, and Teddy Long are in the back.  Jericho wants CM Punk stripped of the title because he’s drinking.  Laurinaitis doesn’t think he can do that.  Eve chimes in that its in the WWE bylaws that a wrestler can’t consume alcohol within 12 hours of a match.  Jericho wants a sobriety test in the ring tonight.  Laurinaitis agrees.  Ha!  That’s hilarious.  Laurinaitis tells Teddy Long that he will conduct the test.  This whole Eve thing is going to work out nicely.  It’s a great spot for her.  I bet she becomes a bigger power heel than Vickie Guerrero.  I love the sobriety test idea.  But the no drinking thing?  Stone Cold Steve Austin?  Blood thinning before blading?  I know, I know, I know…it’s a story line.  And I do like it.

Josh Matthews interviews Brock Lesnar.  Matthews asks Lesnar where he was earlier?  No answer.  Matthews asks Lesnar if he will still be the face of WWE if he loses to Cena.  Lesnar grabs him by the neck and pushes him up against a wall.  He slaps his face and lets him down.  Matthews says “I was just trying to do my job.”  Lesnar comes out of nowhere and throws Matthews through some curtains and polls.  He smiles.  The crowd chants “yes yes yes yes.”  Good stuff.

Josh Matthews is being put on a stretcher.  He is the #1 trend worldwide on Twitter.

Diva’s Championship: Beth Phoenix (c) vs. Nikki Bella-  It’s about time Phoenix is on Raw again.  It’s been awhile.  Michael Cole says shes 8 days away from breaking the record for the longest Diva’s Championship reign.  Eve Torres comes out.  She says that this match is now a lumber jill match.  All the other Divas come out.  They were conveniently waiting backstage all together.  Tie up to start the match.  Beth throws Nikki down.  A second tie up results in the same thing.  Dropkick from Nikki followed by a monkey flip.  Beth tosses Nikki into the corner and uses shoulder thrusts.  Nikki kicks her out, goes to the top rope, is caught, and is gorilla press slammed.  Beth chokes Nikki on the ropes.  By the way, who is the face here?  Anyone?  Chin lock by Beth.  Nikki fights out with elbows.  Beth hits her with a side slam.  She pulls both of Nikki’s arms behind her head into a submission.  Nikki fights out with more elbows.  She goes for a Glam Slam but Nikki rolls through.  Sloppy bulldog by Nikki for a two count.  Beth tosses her to the outside.  Beth follows her out and falls down.  She sells a twisted ankle.  Brie Bella gets in her face by is pie faced down.  All of the divas attack Beth.  Beth is holding her ankle.  Brie Bella tosses both women back in.  Beth is crying about her ankle.  Nikki rolls Beth up and pins her.  Nikki Bella is the new WWE Diva’s Champion.

Whattttt?  First of all, nice job on selling that ankle.  Because the ankle was used in the finish of the match it had to be a work.  Beth did a great job selling it though.  I don’t think she was really injured.  I actually thought she was injured at first though.  Secondly, why would she drop the title so closely to breaking the record?  What is the point of putting that title on Nikki Bella?  I see zero value in that  I know The Bella Twin’s contracts are running out soon and Vince probably wants to give them a reason to stay, but really?  There were some cool things that could have been done with Beth.  Like Beth vs. Kharma.  Did anyone see Smackdown Friday?  AJ flipped out after Daniel Bryan told her to go away, and she beat the hell out of Natalya.  Her character is changing.  A shocking upset of AJ over Beth for the title would have been much better and would have really pushed AJ’s new gimmick.  AJ deserves the title given her recent storylines.  This Bella Twin thing is pointless.  “Lumber Jill”, “Nikki Bella”, and “Beth Phoenix” are trending on Twitter.

Teddy Long and CM Punk are in the back.  Punk is angry that he has to take a sobriety test.  He starts to throw things around in the locker room.

Teddy Long is in the ring with police.  He asks for CM Punk to come out.  Chris Jericho comes out and says that Teddy is incompetent.  He also wants to be there to see Punk stripped of his title.  CM Punk staggers out to the ring.  Can we please skip this?  We all know where this going.  Punk is faking.  Let’s move on to some wrestling.  Punk slurs his words.  He calls the crowd the “WWF crowd.”  Haha.  Now that’s funny.  The police ask Punk to recite his alphabet backwards.  Punk says “has anyone in the history ever recited the alphabet backwards.”  He says “there’s a V in there somewhere.”  And that “nobody can recite the alphabet backwards drunk or sober.”  This is actually funny.  They want Punk to walk across a red line that is taped across the ring.  He says “what line?”  “I didn’t see it, it’s never been there before.”  Very funny.  He does the Karate Kid pose and asks “what movie is this from.”  This is great.  We don’t need to skip this.  Punk fakes and can’t walk the line.  He keeps telling the police to be quiet.  The officer says that the man is obviously intoxicated.  Teddy Long asks for the WWE Championship to be handed over.  Punk takes a long time and then hands it over.  Before Teddy hands it to Jericho, Punk asks for one more chance.  He tries to do the alphabet backwards again.  He does it while walking straight.  Then he does the moonwalk and the Ric Flair strut.  When he finishes he hits Jericho in the head with the microphone.  The story was that he was faking.  He fights Jericho to the outside.  Punk throws Jericho into the barricade and steel steps.  He chases him up the ramp and hammers away at him.  He kicks him off the ramp and Jericho runs to the exit.  Teddy Long gives him his title back on the ramp.  CM Drunk is trending on Twitter.  I love the emphasis this show is putting on Jericho.  He’s highly involved tonight and I’m fine with that.

Brock Lesnar flashback vs. Hulk Hogan.  He  shockingly destroys Hogan.  That was a good match.  It’s another Lesnar burying TNA talent video.

Sheamus vs. Mark Henry special guest referee: Daniel Bryan- Bryan comes out yelling “yes yes yes” in a traditional referee shirt and black pants.  Very funny.  Mark Henry over powers Sheamus.  He whips Sheamus into the corner.  Sheamus boots him in the face.  They fight each other in the corner with punches.  Daniel Bryan separates Sheamus from Henry.  He pleads Sheamus to hit him.  He turns around into a Mark Henry clothesline.  Daniel Bryan counts a very fast 3 count.  That’s the match.  Mark Henry wins.  Sheamus attacks Bryan while he’s heading up the ramp.  Bryan retreats back down to the ring and Sheamus follows.  Brogue Kick to Mark Henry.  Bryan dropkicks Sheamus’ knees.  Hard knockout kick to the head.  He hooks in the “Yes Lock.”  On Smackdown he renamed the Lebelle Lock the Yes Lock.  The crowd goes crazy.  Bryan yells “yessss” the whole time he has him in it.  He Yeses up the ramp with the crowd.  “Mark Henry”, “Daniel Bryan”, and “YES! Lock” are trending on Twitter.  Finally!  That’s the first time ever that “YES” has trended on Twitter.  What a historic night.  I want my “yes yes yes” shirt from wweshop.com  I ordered it the very first day and still haven’t gotten it yet.  Apparently it’s on back order and in that high of demand.  Remember when I told everyone that Daniel Bryan was the best in the world and nobody believed me?  I praised this “yes” chant months before people started chanting it.  Stick with me and I’ll tell you what bandwagons to jump on before they are popular.  With that being said, I teased on Twitter earlier that I would tell you who the next big thing in the WWE was going to be.  Hopefully that person will appear later in the show.  If he doesn’t I’ll address that tease at the end of the article.

Sheamus is interviewed by Matt Striker.  Sheamus says Bryan is a snake.  He says Daniel Bryan should start praying.  I thought Orton was the snake?

WWE Tag Team Champions Epico and Primo w/ Rosa Mendes vs. Zack Ryder and United States Champion Santino Marella- How are there 3 champions in one match, yet the match has no real value?  Epico and Ryder start.  Rollup by Epico.  Arm drag by Ryder.  Ryder with a hammerlock and back body drop.  Forearm in the corner by Ryder followed by the Broski Boot.  Rosa hops up on the apron and distracts the referee.  Ryder goes outside to chase her but is blindsided by Primo.  He’s tossed back in and covered for a two count.  Epico stomps Ryder in the corner and tags Primo.  Primo stomps Ryder and applies a chin lock.  The crowd chants “Lets go Ryder Woo Woo Woo” very loudly.  Sunset flip by Ryder for a two count.  Another chin lock by Primo.  More stomps and a slam.  Sprinboard moonsault by Primo is missed.  Hot tag to Santino.  He punches Primo, does a split, hip toss, saluting headbutt, and puts on the Cobra glove.  Another split by Santino as Ryder sends him to the outside.  Epico dropkicks Santino, but Santino comes back with The Cobra.  He gets the 3 count for the win.  Ryder and The Cobra fist pump together.  Then they do the Trombone together.  “Rosa Mendes”, “Primo and Epico”, and “Zack Ryder” are trending on Twitter.

It’s great to see Ryder on the winning side again.  Here’s the story.  Ever since his YouTube show has been taken over by the WWE YouTube channel things haven’t been great.  Ryder has complained about the changes that they have made to his show.  They didn’t allow comments and now they are editing out content.  So Ryder is being vocal about it.  Which means he’s in the doghouse.  They shouldn’t be messing with the show in the first place.  Let him do what he wants.  He built the thing.  So instead of capitalizing on the success of the show they decide to bury him.  Terrible decision.  Sometimes I just don’t understand their awful decisions from any standpoint, especially a business one.  Ryder is one of the highest selling merchandise guys.

Kane is in the back.  He walks by the freezer.  Paul Bearer is still in there freezing.  He takes off the tape from his mouth.  He says “Kane you’ve come to save me?”  Kane says “Yes I’ve come to save you from me.”  He wheels Bearer back into the freezer as he screams “noooooo.”  Hahahahahahahahahaha.  Funniest thing of the night.  Paul Bearer is the #1 trend worldwide on Twitter for the second time tonight.

Epico, Primo, and Rosa Mendes are in the back.  They are arguing.  Abraham Washington comes up.  He asks why they didn’t get a television entrance, why they didn’t have a Wrestlemania match, and why they are jokes.  He gives them his business card.  Abraham Washington is trending on Twitter.

The Funkasaurus Brodus Clay and Hornswoggle vs. Dolph Ziggler and Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerero- First of all, this match is sponsored by the Taco Bell Dorito taco.  Whatttttt?  Are you serious.  Never in my life….what do I even say?  The match is sponsored by a taco.  The match is sponsored by a taco.  The match is sponsored by a taco.  I’m not going to get over this.  I was wondering why the match graphic earlier in the night looked different and had a taco at the bottom.  Wow.  Just wow.  Brodus Clay has a new disco ball over the ring for his entrance.  It was a nice effect.  It made a new lighting design over the ring.  Hornswoggle came out as he did on Smackdown in a red jump suit.  He does the Funkasaurus dance with Clay and his two dancers.  I hope this doesn’t continue.  I hate Hornswoggle.  He needs to go.  He is also wearing a red singlet tonight, which he did not wear on Smackdown.  He looks like a sore thumb.  Finally we get Ziggler.  Damn he’s underused.  He and The Miz are whats missing from this show.  If they had larger roles it would be much better to watch.  There is a Taco Bell “Live Mas” graphic at the bottom of the screen.  Jerry Lawler is drinking from a Taco Bell cup.  I can understand why Vickie Guerrero would be sponsored by the taco.

Brodus and Ziggler start the match.  Ziggler drops to his knees and asks for Hornswoggle.  Clay tags him in.  He does the Brodus shake and does a shining wizard kick to Ziggler’s face.  Ziggler kicks him down, struts, and stomps him.  Ziggler picks Hornswoggle up but is head scissored.  Tag to Clay and Swagger.  Clotheslines by Clay.  Headbutt to Ziggler.  T-Bone Suplex to Swagger.  Which was sponsored by a taco.  Vickie comes into the ring.  It’s a disqualification?  Why is it a DQ?  She didn’t touch him or do anything.  Clay’s dancers Naomi and Cameron get in the ring.  Vickie tries to join their side and does the Taradactul dance.  Hornswoggle bites her ass.  Brought to you by Taco Bell.  Vickie runs away screaming.  Michael Cole says “I can’t believe we just sat through that.”  Line of the night.  They all dance as the Taco Bell “Live Mas” pops back up on the screen.  Don’t forget that all of that was sponsored by a taco.  Pathetic waste of time.  Hornswoggle is trending on Twitter.  Vickie Guerrero is the #1 trend worldwide on Twitter.

Brock Lesnar highlight video.  This one is from Wrestlemania when Lesnar beat Kurt Angle.  That’s three videos of him destroying TNA talent tonight.  Just saying.  Kurt Angle is trending on Twitter.

Another Brock Lesnar highlight video.  Sweet another Brock Lesnar video…I was hoping to see more of these…oh wait…this is the same one that aired 5 times in the last week.  And it already aired once tonight.  Was this planned or are they just light on time?  Here’s a suggestion on how to not be light in the future….let good wrestlers wrestle.  Thank you.  “what’s running down his leg…piss” is still funny as hell though.

John Laurinaitis comes to the ring.  He smiles and waves to the crowd.  He introduces Brock Lesnar.  Lesnar finally comes to the ring.  Brock Lesnar is trending on Twitter.  Laurinaitis introduces John Cena.  Cena doesn’t come out.  Brock Lesnar picks up the mic and says that Cena is too scared to show up.  Lesnar wants to talk to Laurinaitis about business.  He makes him sit down.  Lesnar has changes that he wants.  He’s not happy and has demands.  I hope one is to have Taco Bell sponsored on the side of his trunks.  His first demand is that Laurinaitis has to run all decisions by him.  He also wants Vince McMahon’s private jet to and from the venue.  Now he’s asking for CM Punk perk territory.  Lesnar also wants to show up to Raw when he wants.  Now he’s asking for The Rock perk territory.  Lesnar says he wants more money.  He also wants Monday Night Raw to be called “Monday Night Raw staring Brock Lesnar.”  How about “Monday Night Raw staring Brock Lesnar sponsored by Taco Bell?”  Laurinaitis agrees to those terms.  He signs the contract.  There are actually loud “Cena” chants.

John Cena’s music hits.  Here he comes.  He gets into the ring quietly.  He removes his chain and holds it.  Lesnar continues to sit in his chair.  Lesnar kisses his fists.  Cena picks up the pen then puts it down.  Lesnar stands up.  It’s this long and boring that I have to give play by play of their every move.  Lesnar says “sign the contract.”  More time passes.  Lesnar says that Cena is scared.  He says he’s the reason that Cena lost last week and he’s the reason why Cena feels the way that he does right now.  Cena signs it quickly and throws the clipboard at Lesnar.  Cena has his chain wrapped around his wrist.  Lesnar tips the table at him.  They pace around the table.  Lesnar walks out of the ring and up the ramp.  Raw goes off the air.  Cena didn’t say one word the entire night.  Interesting way to develop his character and an even more interesting way to hype a PPV match.  I like the idea.  This match has tremendous build for this Sunday.

Mediocre Raw.  Too long.  Too drawn out.  Too many Lesnar hype videos.  I liked all the Jericho stuff.  There wasn’t much more to like.  Two things to address.  #1 Big Andy who won WWE Tough Enough last year has been released.  What an awful show that was.  What an awful eye for talent Stone Cold Steve Austin has.  #2 is my tease.  The next big thing in wrestling?  Watch Smackdown this Friday to see Antonio Cesaro.  He is formerly Claudio Castagnoli from Ring of Honor.  Cesaro is an amazing European style wrestler much like Daniel Bryan.  It may take awhile for him to catch on, but he will be a huge player in the WWE.  Eventually all the smart mark fans will be cheering for him the way that they cheer for Bryan and Punk.  So if you want on the bandwagon early, be a fan of his now!  He debuted on Smackdown this past week as Aksana’s new friend.  Hopefully he makes his wrestling debut soon.  I was really hoping it would have been tonight on Raw…but of course not.  Until next week….leave some comments!

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