WWE Raw Results 4/30 Brock Lesnar and Triple H, Beat the Clock,...

WWE Raw Results 4/30 Brock Lesnar and Triple H, Beat the Clock, New Tag Champs

SHARE

This recap and analysis of WWE’s Monday Night Raw are the personal opinions of the writer. The author of this article is a former promoter, writer, and referee in the wrestling industry. You won’t find analysis as accurate as this anywhere else on the internet.

WWE Monday Night Raw Results 4/30/12

Raw begins with a full screen that says “Monday Night Raw Starring Brock Lesnar.” Ring announcer Justin Roberts announces “Welcome to Monday Night Raw starring Brock Lesnar.” That of course was one of the demands that Lesnar made last week. It’s unique and kinda funny. I’m for it. John Laurinaitis is introduced and comes to the ring.  He rambles on about how he changed the industry and then introduces Brock Lesnar.  Lesnar says the world witnessed him bring the pain.  He said he did what he said he was going to do.  If you missed Extreme Rules it was a highly entertaining match.  The match was brutal, Lesnar was huge, and the story was highly entertaining.  Brock only has time to spit out two lines before Triple H’s music hits.  Laurinaitis says that Triple H is going to congratulate Lesnar.  Triple H says that Lesnar’s days of holding up the WWE are now over.  He says that the jet that brought him here would not take him home.  Triple H says no limos, no raise, and no special treatment.  The show will be called Monday Night Raw…period.  Triple H says that the demands Laurinaitis agreed with last week were something he didn’t have the authority to do.  Triple H says that he and the WWE Universe want Lesnar here.  Surprisingly the people boo Lesnar.  Triple H taunts Lesnar by saying he can take his loss to Cena and go away if he chooses.  Laurinaitis tries to interrupt and is told to shut up.

Laurinaitis jumps back in again.  Triple H turns around and is jumped by Lesnar.  Lesnar shoulder thrusts Triple H in the corner.  Triple H punches back.  Lesnar hooks in the camara arm bar.  Big Show, Sheamus, Kofi Kingston, and R-Truth hit the ring.  Brock Lesnar retreats.  Trainers attend to Triple H, who tells them that his arm is broken.  Security makes Lesnar leave through the back.  Raw is War and Triple H are trending on Twitter.  I’m assuming that Raw is War is trending because Triple H said “this show has always been called Monday Night Raw.”  Which obviously isn’t true.  So who wants to see Brock Lesnar vs. Triple H?  Nobody?  Me neither.  I’d rather see Lesnar take Sheamus’ title.  He was built up to be ridiculously strong last night.  His lack of focus costed him the match with Cena.  A Paul Heyman managerial return would give Lesnar a reason to be champion.  I don’t see how you don’t make this guy a champion quickly.  Punk doesn’t need to drop his title, so it needs to be Sheamus that drops it.  Punk vs. Daniel Bryan needs to happen anyways.  Decent start to Raw.  It’s pretty much the same thing that already happened against Cena, but with a different guy.

Triple H is in the back with trainers.  He says that his arm was pulled out of the socket.  Interestingly Sheamus is still with him.  Maybe they will start a Lesnar vs Sheamus feud.  Triple H is not really hurt obviously.  This one is a work.  Cena legitimately thought he was injured last night.  After MRI’s Cena isn’t really that bad either.

Eve Torres comes to the stage.  She says tonight there will be a beat the clock competition to determine the #1 contender for CM Punk’s championship.  She stumbled a good bit.  The first match will start now.  The person that wins their match in the fastest time tonight wins the beat the clock competition.  The title match will happen at the next PPV “Over the Limit.”  The PPV is in 3 weeks.  3 weeks???  That’s way too short.  Nobody is going to spend another $50 that quickly.  It wouldn’t have hurt to skip a month to help your ratings and time for match buildup.

Beat the Clock: The Miz vs. United States Champion Santino Marella- Tie up to start.  Santino gets the better of Miz with the chain wrestling.  Ummmm?  Miz punches Santino to the mat.  High knee lift by Miz.  Santino rolls down Miz’s back from a suplex, bounces off the ropes, and uses a shoulder block.  Two count.  Miz comes back with a big boot to the face.  The pace is quick because of the beat the clock stipulation.  Miz misses a running clothesline in the corner.  Santino rolls him up for a near fall.  Reverse DDT by Miz for another two count.  Running clothesline through the ropes by Miz, followed by a flying axe handle off the top rope.  Elbows to the face and chin lock by Miz.  Santino rolls him over with a back body drop.  Slingshot off the ropes by Marella.  The two punch at each other, split by Santino, hip toss, and a saluting fist drop.  Santino puts up on the Cobra glove, but Miz ducks it.  Pinfall attempt is reversed.  Two count for both.  Miz pops back up and hits the Skull Crushing Finale.  MIZ FINALLY WINS.  And he does it in 4:18.  That is the time to beat.  The sad thing about the beat the clock challenge is that they have to publicly show how short their television matches are.  Will The Miz finally be pushed?  I doubt it.  Don’t hold your breathe.  Beat the Clock is trending on Twitter.

Diva’s Championship: Layla (c) vs Brie Bella vs. Nikki Bella- Nikki and Brie argue.  Layla dropkicks them both.  One of them flies out of the ring while the other one is pinned by Layla.  The end.  Really?  I’m sick of this.  Why did Layla win that title in the first place?  Why doesn’t Kharma come out and destroy all these worthless divas?  Are they trying to make people sick of the diva’s division before Kharma comes back and saves it?  It’s as if the WWE is trying to once again stick it to the internet fans and not give them what they want.  Everyone figured out that the Bella Twins would eventually drop the title to Kharma.  So they decided to prove everyone wrong and switch it up with a Layla win.  Probably just to piss everyone off.  Layla got no reaction whatsoever at the PPV.  So since Layla won her match in like 11 seconds does that mean she has beaten the clock?  I really want to see CM Punk come out and kick her in the head.  That would make this whole situation better.

Beat the Clock: Chris Jericho vs.  The Big Show-  Big Show is trending on Twitter.  Big Show pushes Jericho into the turnbuckle and punches his torso multiple times.  Hard chop followed by a body slam.  He pushes Jericho into another corner and uses another chop.  He runs at Jericho, but Jericho dropkicks his knees.  Jericho stomps Big Show and dropkicks him on the mat.  Big Show press slams him off after a two count.  Jericho goes to the top rope for an axe handle but is chopped on the way down.  Big Show goes for a Vader bomb, but Jericho moves.  Lionsault by Jericho.  2:15 left on the clock to beat The Miz’s time.  Jericho goes for a cover but it’s reversed into a small package.  Weird to use the terms “small” package and “Big” Show in the same sentence.  Big Show goes for a chokeslam, but Jericho counters with a DDT from Big Show’s knees.  Jericho runs at Big Show but is speared.  Big Show covers for a two count.

Big Show goes for the Weapon of Mass Destruction, but Jericho counters with a Code Breaker attempt.  Big Show catches Jericho in mid air.  Jericho works him over to the ropes and scissors him over.  Big Show runs at Jericho on the outside, but Jericho moves.  Big Show goes flying over the barricade.  Jericho gets back into the ring but time runs out as the referee is at the 9 count.  The referee declares Jericho the winner and says that he beat the clock.  This is a MAJOR BOTCH.  Jericho was supposed to beat the clock by a few seconds, but the referee’s count was slow.  So the clock ran out and what was supposed to happen did not happen.  They seriously can’t try to play this off the way that it was written.  The referee messed up and Jericho did not beat the clock.  So they go to commercial break.  I can imagine Vince McMahon is throwing a major fit backstage as they try to come up with a quick fix for this major mistake.

Back from break Michael Cole announces that The Miz is still the time to beat.  Wow.  That was definitely an audible.  This has to be the biggest timing mistake in recent memory.  Everything has just changed.  Obviously Jericho wasn’t supposed to win the whole thing, or they would have called a different audible.

The Funkasaurus Brodus Clay vs. JTG- Clay dances to the ring as usual.  Thank god Hornswoggle is no longer with him.  I’m so sick of that guy.  Surprised to see JTG.  He pops up on Raw about once a year and loses.  When will he finally be released?  Jerry Lawler says that JTG has a surprise for Clay.   JTG kicks Clay.  Shoulder block by Clay.  Punch to the torso.  Body slam.  Clay yells “my bad.”  Elbow drop by Clay.  JTG gets a few punches in before he’s hit with a headbutt.  Whip to the corner followed by a splash by Clay.  T-Bone suplex.  Running splash for the win.  Clay lets a bunch of little kids get in the ring and dance.  Eww.  So we finally get to see Brodus Clay have a normal match on the PPV and now it’s back to him squashing jobbers.  That didn’t last long.  I’m so sick of squash matches.  WWE is back in big man mode once again.  How many dominating big men are there right now?  Brock Lesnar, Sheamus, Kane, Brodus Clay, Lord Tensai, Ryback, etc…  Clay, Tensai, and Ryback all have nothing but squash matches.  It’s sickening.  All I want is wrestling.  Good wrestling matches.  But the WWE doesn’t know how to book that.  Brodus Clay, #JTG, and Cryme Tyme are all trending on Twitter.

John Laurinaitis, Eve Torres, and Teddy Long are in the back.  Eve tells Teddy to leave.  Laurinaitis is pacing back and forth.  Eve tells him that he’s lost Brock Lesnar.  She gives him a pep talk and tells him that he needs to go out and lead.  He says he knows who John Cena’s next opponent will be and that he won’t like it.

Beat the Clock:  Randy Orton vs. Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero- Swagger uses a waist lock to start.  Orton sends Swagger into the turnbuckle.  They break and tie up.  Swagger pushes Orton into the corner and uses shoulder thrusts.  Orton comes back with a rollup for a two count.  Clothesline by Orton.  Swagger kicks Orton away in the corner.  Swagger Bomb for a two count.  Swagger goes for the gutwrench powerbomb, but Orton reverses into his side back breaker.  Orton whips Swagger off the ropes, but Swagger takes out his knees.  Shoulder block by Swagger.  He punches Orton in the corner.  Orton fights back with kicks and punches.  Swagger comes back with an elbow and works Orton into the mat.  He rolls Orton into a pin for a two count.  More stomps by Swagger.  1:15 left to beat the clock.  Swagger goes for another Swagger Bomb, but hes kicked in the gut.  Powerslam by Orton.  Hanging DDT through the ropes.  :40 left.  Swagger reverses an RKO into an Ankle Lock.  Orton rolls through at :10 left.  RKO.  Orton pins Swagger with :02 left.  Orton has set the new time to beat.

I must say that these matches are pathetic.  If your looking for a wrestling clinic, do not watch these matches.  There is absolutely zero match psychology in these matches.  They have to move so quickly because of the “beat the clock” stipulation that nothing makes sense.  There is no time to tell a story.  It’s just a bunch of interchangeable spots leading into a finish.  Guys aren’t selling the body, they come back too quickly from power moves, and the finishes aren’t believable because the body isn’t being worn down.  I feel like I’m watching a bunch of Jeff Hardy matches.  That’s two weeks in a row that I had to mention that drugged out spot monkey in my article…and that’s a terrible thing.  Jack Swagger is trending on Twitter.

WWE.com reports that The Bella Twins have been fired.  The real story is that they decided not to renew their contracts.  That’s a pretty stupid way to make them go out.  Giving them a short title reign and a couple of 5 second matches.  I don’t get it.  Was that supposed to be punishment?  Because adding another title reign to their legacy isn’t really punishment.

WWE Tag Team Championship: Epico and Primo (c) w/ Rosa Mendes vs. Kofi Kingston and R-Truth-  R-Truth and Primo start.  Primo kicks Lil Jimmy.  Hahahahahahahahaha.  Highlight of the night.  Truth goes crazy and attacks Primo.  He dances, does his splits, and that whole gimmick thing he does.  He clotheslines Primo to the outside and yells “whats up” to the crowd.  Commercial.  Back from break R-Truth is grabbed by Epico while running off the ropes.  Primo stomps him before a tag to Epico.  Cole and Lawler report that Triple H has a broken arm.  Who cares.  Next.  Quick tags from Epico and Primo working R-Truth.  Primo does a dropkick and cartwheel.  Lil Jimmy is trending on Twitter.  The cousins continue to beat on R-Truth and avoid the hot tag.  Dropkick by Truth finally.  Hot tag.  Kofi with an axe handle off the top, clotheslines, and a Boom Drop.  He sets up for Trouble In Paradise.  Primo runs at him from the outside and is clotheslined.  Rosa jumps up on the top rope for the distraction.  It backfires as R-Truth grabs Epico.  Trouble In Paradise by Kofi.  1-2-3.  New Tag Champions.

Ugh.  Neither of these teams deserve to be tag champions.  What did Kofi and Truth do to deserve a shot in the first place?  It makes no sense.  It’s not like the titles are any more credible now that there are new champions.  The tag division is terrible.  I’m sure that Kofi and Truth are segway champions to eventually drop the titles to Darren Young and Titus O’Neil.  Yes, the mediocre NXT guys who they keep putting over on Smackdown.  They should have had Antonio Cesaro and Kassius Ohno come in and win the titles on their first night.  Instead, they decided to debut Cesaro on Smackdown, and have yet to debut Ohno.  Google search The Kings of Wrestling and you’ll see how good they are as a tag team.  (Great Khali vs. Kane is next.  Khali vs Kane is trending on Twitter.  Everyone on Twitter is angry that we have to watch this.)

Epico, Primo, and Rosa Mendes are arguing in the back.  Abraham Washington walks up to them.  Rosa says “let’s talk.”  Abraham begins to talk to them, but he’s cut off.  Another awfully timed segment.  How many production mistakes can there be in one night?  Abraham Washington is trending on Twitter.

Beat the Clock: The Great Khali vs Kane- Khali is dancing in the ring.  Lawler jokes and says that Khali must be exhausted because he’s been dancing for over 5 minutes while we were away on commercial break.  Funny stuff.  Kane’s pyro hits and here he comes.  Too bad Khali wasn’t on fire dancing in the ring.  That would be funny.  Kane punches away at Khali to start the match.  Khali throws him into the corner and uses elbows and kicks.  Chop by Khali.  Shocker. He sends him to the other corner and does….a chop.  Shocker.  Kane goes for a chokeslam, but Khali fights out with punches.  Kane dropkicks Khali’s knees.  That’s the third time tonight that someone did a dropkick to the knees.  DDT by Kane.  Khali didn’t really know how to sell it.  Two count.

The crowd is dead.  Kane punches him on the mat.  He goes for an unnecessary pin fall.  2:24 left.  This is the longest 2:24 of my life.  Kane does a clothesline off the top rope.  Please beat the clock Kane, so this ends sooner.  More punches.  I looked at my Twitter wall and away from the tv for a little while.  Khali did a big boot I think.  I did see him do another chop.  Shocker.  They are on the outside now.  :24 left.  Some punches and stuff happen.  Kane goes for a chokeslam, Khali chokes him, time runs out.  Kane chokeslams Khali after the match.  Nobody beats the clock.  Orton is still in the lead.  #ByeByeBellas is trending on Twitter.  They gave a Twitter goodbye and used that same hashtag.

Beat the Clock: Daniel Bryan vs. Jerry “The King” Lawler-  Jerry Lawler?  Really?  Why?  We didn’t get to see Dolph Ziggler tonight, but Jerry Lawler has a match?  Why would it even begin to make sense that Lawler would be in the title picture?   Bryan works Lawler into the corner to start.  Irish whip to the other side.  Running dropkick by Bryan.  More punches to which the crowd chants “yes.”  Lawler comes back with punches.  The crowd chants “no” on each one.  Nasty knee drops to the face by Bryan.  Lawler comes back with punches and a standing dropkick.  Bryan comes back with an Irish whip and missed running dropkick.  Lawler uses a fist drop off the top rope.  Two count.  He goes for the banned pile driver.  Bryan back body drops him.  Hard kick to the head.  YES! Lock.  King taps out with 1:52 left.  Daniel Bryan wins.  He will face CM Punk at Over the Limit for the WWE Championship.  CM Punk comes out and stares at him.  Bryan chants YES!

Remember what I said about nobody buying Over the Limit?  Scratch that.  I sure will.  My response to Bryan vs. Punk?  YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES.  #Raw, #OverTheLimit, Punk vs Bryan, and WWE Title are all trending on Twitter.  There are NBA Playoff games, NHL Playoff games, MLB Games, and more on television, but the whole world is tweeting about Daniel Bryan.

John Cena comes to the ring.  He is in a sling.  He says he doesn’t have a break in his arm.  His MRI’s show no tears.  He says every muscle in his arm is strained.  He says in the WWE when your injured your sent home and when your hurt you still have to perform.  He says he’s hurt and is still here.  John Laurinaitis comes out.  Cena makes a joke about Zeus being his next opponent.  The guy in the Hulk Hogan movie.  Laurinaitis says that he tried to motivate Cena by bringing in Lesnar.  Cena says that he was trying to hire a mercenary to take him out.  Cena makes fun of Laurinaitis.  Something about smoking a lot of cigarettes and brushing his teeth with toilet paper.  Nowhere near as good as CM Punk.  Laurinaitis begins to introduce Cena’s opponent, but they play the music early.  That either means that they are heavy on time, or that they made yet another production mistake.  It’s Lord Tensai.  Tensai comes down the aisle and gets in the ring.  Cena turns around to face him and is hit in the head with the microphone by Laurinaitis.  He says that Cena’s next opponent is Laurinaitis.  Tensai’s servant kicks Cena in the head.  Tensai hits a running senton on Cena’s bad arm.  Laurinaitis stomps Cena’s arm.  They pull Cena to the outside and stomp on his arm on the steel steps.  Laurinaitis grabs a chair and smashes it across Cena’s arm on the steps.  Laurinaitis gets back in the ring and does “you can’t see me” to Cena.  Raw goes off the air.  Whattt??  Nice.  I liked that.  Cena vs Laurinaitis is money.  Laurinaitis vs Punk would have been better though.  Johnny Ace and Prince Albert are trending on Twitter.

Weak Raw overall.  I’m very happy that Punk will face Bryan at the PPV.  That was the only thing that made me happy tonight other than Primo kicking Lil Jimmy.  Why wasn’t CM Punk used?  The show is worthless without it’s champion.  No Dolph Ziggler was ridiculous too.  I’m glad The Miz finally won, but it won’t take him anywhere.  I also miss Otunga.  He is away for the trial of his wife.  I’m sure you know those national headlines about that situation.  I’m still surprised Punk wasn’t used.  What a terrible decision.  The next PPV is looking pretty good.  I guess they will continue to have good PPV’s with real wresting, and terrible Raws that lead up to them.  Here is what I believe to be the next PPV card:

WWE Championship- CM Punk vs. Daniel Bryan
World Heavyweight Championship- Sheamus vs Brock Lesnar
John Cena vs John Laurinaitis
Chris Jericho vs. The Big Show
United States Championship- Santino Marella vs The Miz

The one match that is not a lock is Sheamus and Lesnar.  There is also a chance that they decide to do Sheamus vs Alberto Del Rio.  They began a pre feud on Smackdown.  I just think that they need to do Lesnar/Sheamus.  Put the title on Lesnar.  He’s been built up too strong to not be a champion.  Thanks for reading once again.  Leave comments and questions!

Follow Mark Brown on Twitter .