This recap and analysis of WWE’s Monday Night Raw are the personal opinions of the writer. The author of this article is a former promoter, writer, and referee in the wrestling industry. You won’t find analysis as accurate as this anywhere else on the internet.
WWE Monday Night Raw Results 6/4/12
Raw begins with Michael Cole entering the ring. He introduces John Cena pretty quickly. Good, keep it quick. The sooner they get this segment over with the better. Cole recaps the mediocre viscous streak of the Big Show. He spits off all of the talents that are more talented than Big Show, that he took out over the course of a week. Cole blames Cena for not coming to the aid of Big Show. Cena makes a stupid joke about Cole collecting My Little Ponies. Cena says Big Show didn’t have to do what he did because Big Show would have been hired back regardless. Cole says that statement can’t be said because Cena doesn’t know that to be the truth. God this is weak. Cena makes a joke about Big Show wanting his wallet to be as big as his waist line. These jokes are so bad that the people aren’t really sure if they are supposed to laugh or just cheer. So it’s an awkward mixture of both. Cole says that Cena is jealous of Big Show and that Cena is overrated. I don’t care. I want wrestling.
John Laurinaitis comes out on his awesome “People Power” scooter. I’m actually happy to see him. Cena gets to pick his opponent tonight. Cena wants to pick Laurinaitis. Laurinaitis has retired from wrestling after beating Cena. I’m assuming Cena is going to pick Michael Cole. Cena makes more bad jokes about this being the first good thing Laurinaitis has ever done. Cena picks Michael Cole. People cheer. Boy who woulda predicted that? So I guess that means we get to see two John Cena segments with no wrestling. I’m sure that will take up at least half of the show just as Big Show did last week. So the highest upside this show has is one hour of wrestling. At least we get to see CM Punk vs Kane. Seriously though, their match on Smackdown was pretty good. Thanks to Punk carrying him. Michael Cole is trending on Twitter. Pretty sad when we’re 16 minutes in and that’s all that’s trended so far.
Michael Cole is in the back with John Laurinaitis. Cole is pleading to get out of the match. Laurinaitis says his job is under evaluation and that he has to give them people power. Did anyone else get that stupid text from WWE earlier saying that Vince McMahon would review Laurinaitis’ job next week? I texted them to try to win that Wrestlemania trip during Wrestlemania and I’ve gotten stupid texts ever since.
Vickie Guerrero comes out on the ramp. Michael Cole goes speeding by her. Cole has now been in every single on camera segment so far. I’d rather see Daniel Bryan in every segment. But they don’t know what the people want. Vickie introduces Dolph Ziggler. By himself. It’s going to be a rematch from the solid match that happened on Smackdown this past week.
Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero vs World Heavyweight Champion Sheamus- Punches and kicks from Ziggler to start. Reversal by Sheamus. Ziggler kicks him in the face in the corner, but Ziggler kicks him in the gut and attempts a Fame Asser. Sheamus fights him off and hits a shoulder roll. Sheamus charges Ziggler, but he holds the ropes and sends Sheamus flying to the outside. Sheamus pulls Ziggler’s legs to the outside. Sheamus attempts to throw Ziggler into the steel steps, but Ziggler runs up the steps to the other side. Vickie causes a distraction giving Ziggler the chance to hit a baseball slide through the ropes. This takes us to commercial.
Back from break Sheamus headbutts Ziggler but is caught with a high knee to the gut. Ziggler works him to the mat and applies a chin lock. Sheamus hits some nasty headbutts to the back of the head to get out. Upper knee lift to Ziggler results in a two count. Sheamus picks him up, misses a clothesline, and is caught with an elbow to the back of the head. Ziggler goes to the top rope but Sheamus meets him with a right hand. Sheamus climbs to the top but is punched back off. Fame Asser off the top rope by Ziggler. Nice spot. Two count. Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag, but he’s snapmared off. White Noise by Sheamus followed by the Brogue Kick for the win. Sheamus is sweaty and blown up. He’s not used to longer paced matches with quick wrestlers. Decent match overall but not long enough. Their match on Smackdown was much longer and much better. But Raw doesn’t care about showcasing wrestling so it’s understandable. Smackdown is a far superior show overall.
Sheamus heads up the ramp but he’s jumped by Alberto Del Rio. Ricardo Rodriguez is the equalizer as he takes Sheamus’ legs out from behind. Del Rio does a pretty sick Cross Arm Breaker on Sheamus off the side of the stage. Sheamus dangles over the ramp while the hold is applied. Pretty sick looking. I liked it. The only thing trending on Twitter so far is still Michael Cole. People probably aren’t watching Raw tonight. The ratings have been way down lately because the show has been terrible. The ratings for each show is a reflection on how good the previous week was. So since Raw was terrible last week, tonight’s ratings won’t be good. I seriously hope Raw starts to improve. I don’t like writing bad reviews…I really don’t. I pride myself on being unbiased and I will always write what I see. I’ve done plenty of positive reviews, but mainly terrible reviews as of late. I really hope that changes. Unlike some other internet bloggers, I don’t find the negative in everything that happens. I want to write good things and I want to be entertained. That’s why I watch.
Laurinaitis is in the back with David Otunga. Otunga tells him about Mr. McMahon coming to Raw next week to evaluate his job. Apparently Laurinaitis didn’t get the stupid text that I got.
Sin Cara vs. Hunico w/ Camacho – Sweet Sin Cara! Who wants to see a bunch of head scissors??? Not me. This guy’s matches are repetitive. At least he’s working Hunico. They are good against each other. I love the blue house lighting they do during the Sin Cara matches. Always have liked that. I’m a big lighting guy. Very unique. I like how he is the only guy in the company that gets it too. Hunico starts out aggressively with punches. Sin Cara flips over his back, takes his arm to the top turnbuckle, and flips off. Hunico rolls to the ouside. Flying hurricanrana to the outside by Sin Cara. Back in the ring Hunico comes back with a kick to the head. Sit out back breaker by Hunico for a one count. Chin lock. Surprised to see a rest hold with two speedsters in the ring. They don’t typically slow down the pace that much. Kick to the chest by Hunico. He picks Sin Cara up on his shoulders, but Sin Cara flips out with an arm drag. Failed charge in the corner by Hunico results in an enzuguri to the head. Flying hurricanrana from Sin Cara. Drop kick. Sick flip off the ropes by Sin Cara followed by a head scissors. Another flip off the ropes results in a back elbow. Camacho jumps up on the apron but is drop kicked off. Sin Cara hits his head scissors face plant for the finish. Sin Cara is trending on Twitter. Total huricannrara/head scissors count….4 in one match. Repetitive much? Pretty good match though. Refreshing to see. Wasn’t long enough though.
Raw most memorable moment video- This is in preparation for the 1,000th episode coming up soon. Cena picks his own debut as his favorite moment. Not even close to the best ever.
Stan Stansky and Arthur Rosenberg vs. Ryback- If you haven’t seen Ryback on Smackdown yet, it’s the same thing every week. He wrestles two tiny jobbers who give bad promos. Then he squashes them. So Stan Stansky and the other guy cut a terrible promo where they rhyme at the same time. Stan Stansky is a great name by the way. It made me lol. Ryback comes out like Goldberg with pyro. He does weird arm movements and marches. Goldberg chants from the crowd. Stansky runs at Ryback but is gorilla pressed. He’s launched so high that he goes out of the camera frame. Awesome. Ryback picks up Rosenberg and presses him straight into Stansky. Hanging brain buster to Stansky. He tosses Rosenberg into Stansky in the corner. I love typing the name Stansky. Best ever. Double clothesline to them both at the same time. Double running back drop to both guys for the win. Okay okay okay. Ryback has grown on me. I love seeing him squash these guys. It’s hilarious. He destroys these poor guys. Stiff as hell. I love it now. I am a Ryback fan. I love this stuff. Then he chants “feed me more” after the match. I love it. I love the stomping, I love the feed me more, I love the arms, I love it all. Ryback is better than the other big men because he almost kills people in the ring. Ryback is trending on Twitter.
CM Punk comes to the ring. Daniel Bryan comes out after him. YES YES YES YES YES YES YES!!!!! Question and answer time with Daniel Bryan. Has AJ gone mental since I left her? YES! Will Kane destroy CM Punk tonight? YES! At No Way Out will I become the new WWE Champion? YES YES YES YES YES!!!!!!!!!! While Bryan is YESing there is a fiery explosion for Kane. Bryan jumps. Hilarious! My favorite part of the night! Here comes Kane with his awesome metal mask. I still like that thing.
WWE Champion CM Punk vs. Kane- Tie up to start. Kane stomps Punk in the corner. He bounces Punk’s head off a turnbuckle and gives him body shots. Irish whip to the other corner results in a boot to the face. Punk clotheslines Kane over the tope rope. Running suicide dive by Punk. Axe handle off the top rope to the outside by Punk. Punk goes to the top again and hits a cross body on Kane inside the ring. I like the psychology of having to go high risk to take the big man down. Punk runs at Kane, but is hit with a high knee to the gut. Third match that’s happened in already. Running grounded dropkick to the face by Kane. More head shots off the turnbuckle and kicks. Body slam by Kane followed by a leg drop. The action has really slowed down and gotten boring since Kane has taken over on offense. Kane uses a grounded body scissors. Punk fights out with nice elbows to the thigh. Punk attempts to chop Kane down with kicks and forearms. He charges Kane but is caught. He wiggles down Kane’s back and continues to try to chop him down. Kane grabs Punk around the throat and throws him over the top rope. Commercial spot.
Back from break Punk is on Kane’s back. Backdrop by Kane. Two count. Daniel Bryan is on commentary and refuses to talk to Cole. Chin lock by Kane. Punk elbows out. Uppercut by Kane followed by a side slam. Another two count. Please have Punk take back over on offense. I’m bored. Kane goes to the top rope, but Punk hits a running knee to the face up the turnbuckle. Running high knee in the corner followed by a bulldog for a two count. Another repetitive spot. Springboard clothesline from the outside by Punk. Punk goes for Go To Sleep but Kane rolls down his back. Big boot to the face by Kane. Roll through neck breaker by Punk, which counters a chokeslam attempt. Punk goes to the top rope but is hit with an upper cut. Kane climbs to the top rope but is Mongolian chopped off. I love Mongolian chops. Flying Elbow Drop off the top rope by Punk. He turned his body mid air a la Rob Van Dam. Kane rolls to the outside and is met with a baseball slide. On the outside Kane throws Punk into the barricade right beside Daniel Bryan. Punk goes back towards the ring but is kicked in the back by Bryan. Kane hip tosses Punk back in over the top rope. He goes for a chokeslam but is hit with a Yakuzza kick to the head.
AJ comes running down the ramp. Bryan gets up to yell at her. Punk comes running with a suicide dive that takes Bryan out. Punk rolls back in the ring and is hit with a chokeslam. Kane wins. Ugh. Kane stalks AJ. Bryan actually saves her. Kane fights him off. Kane looks at AJ and she smiles at him lustfully. Kane turns around and leaves. We got ourself a love triangle! Bryan still likes AJ, which is why he’s so involved still, Punk likes AJ, and now Kane likes AJ. And she appears to like all three. Which fits perfectly into her psycho gimmick. Her character would have feelings for Kane! Great idea. Pretty funny. This thing is actually working out. And Kane now looks legitimate in this feud after that win. It took a lot of different distractions for him to win, but those are actual distractions that could be factors in the payoff at the PPV. This has actually been a well booked feud. I’m still not happy that Kane is involved with Bryan and Punk, but it’s working. With all the side stories one would now think that Bryan and Punk are distracted enough to let Kane win the feud. This obviously won’t happen, but it’s believable. And that’s what makes it successful. My prediction is still that AJ will go back with Bryan, which gives him the title. Whoever AJ goes with at the end of this feud will win the title. That is the story that they have set up.
AJ is interviewed by Josh Matthews. He asks her about her smile towards Kane. She says she likes when men look at her. She makes him look at her. She says he’s uncomfortable and asks if he likes aggressive women. She says he might be her type and pats him on the head. This gimmick is good. She definitely seems crazy and delivers in her promos. This is how good she is….she’s been thrown into a Daniel Bryan vs CM Punk feud, and I’m not complaining.
WWE Tag Team Champions R-Truth and Kofi Kingston vs. Curt Hawkins and Tyler Reks- Hawkins and Reks don’t get entrances because they are jobbers. Hawkins and Kofi start. Kofi leap frogs him and hits a flying clothesline. R-Truth is tagged in for a double hiptoss. R-Truth does a split, dances, spins, and hits a leg drop. Two count. Tag to Tyler Reks. Missed clothesline by Reks followed by a spinning back elbow. 10 count on the top rope by Truth. Hawkins jumps up on the apron and knocks him off. Back breaker by Reks. Tag to Hawkins. Snapmare followed by a knee to the back of the head. Reks is tagged back in for some punches. Truth rolls down his back and uses a single leg drop kick. Hot tag to Kofi. Flying fist drop, dropkicks, and clotheslines. Boom Drop to Hawkins. He knocks Reks off the apron, misses Trouble in Paradise, and bounces off the top rope with a cross body. Truth takes Reks out as Kofi hits Trouble in Paradise on Hawkins for the win. Solid little quick match. It never stopped moving. Reks and Hawkins were pretty impressive. These matches tonight are much better than most weeks, but still not amazing. I’ll take it for what it is. I can deal with this. It sucks that I have to settle, but it’s decent.
Raw most memorable moment video- Triple H’s favorite moment is the night he returned after his quad injury. Not even close to the best moment.
John Cena comes to the ring- John Laurinaitis comes out before the match starts….on his awesome scooter. He makes the match no DQ. He has to beat Lord Tensai first.
John Cena vs. Lord Tensai w/ Sakamoto- Tieup to start. Elbow to the side of the head by Tensai. Damn I love that spot. Tensai powers Cena to the corner and punches him. Headbutt followed by grounded punches. Michael Cole is a cheerleader for Tensai. Slingshot through the ropes by Tensai. The two punch away at each other. Cena comes off the ropes on fire and sends Tensai over the top rope. Sakamoto kicks Cena multiple times on the outside. That’s the commercial spot.
Back from break Cena is in a headlock. He gets out but is met with a spinning clothesline. Irish whip followed by a running splash. Cole is over animated when he knows the camera is on him. Another Irish whip is countered with boots to the face. Bulldog by Cena. He goes for a suplex but its countered into a leg drop to the arm. Tensai grabs the nerve in Cena’s shoulder then throws him to the outside. Tensai follows him out and bounces his head off the commentary table. Cole is yelling at Cena, but Lawler pushes him away. That didn’t make sense. Cena tries to climb back in but is headbutted off the apron to the outside. Tensai follows him out again and sends Cena shoulder first into the steel steps. Cena gets back in the ring eventually but is hit with a double under hook suplex. Tensai goes for a running senton but misses. Cena comes back with a shoulder block. He knocks Sakamoto off the apron. Side slam. 5 Knuckle Shuffle. Attitude Adjustment. 3 count. Cena wins.
Michael Cole tries to run away. He jumps over the barricade, but Cena catches him. Cena gives him a noogi and throws him back over. He tries to run over a second barricade but is caught again. Cole grabs a microphone and tries to plead Cena. He says they’ve been great friends for a long time and that he’s been supportive of Cena. He wants a handshake. Cole starts to get mad and begins to take his shirt off. He says Cena will be more embarrassed of losing to Cole than he will be of losing to Laurinaitis. He points his finger in Cena’s chest. Cena grabs the mic and says he’s getting his ass kicked.
John Cena vs. Michael Cole- He rips Cole’s shirt off and chops him. Next he rips Cole’s pants off. He has huge blue underwear on. Is that supposed to be funny? Low blow kick between the legs by Cena. He pushes Cole into the corner and chops him. Cena grabs the mic and says Lawler whipped him at Wrestlemania. He wants Cole to apologize to Lawler. Cole shouts “I’m so sorry.” Cena wants him to apologize to Jim Ross. Cole says that he’s his mentor and the guy he looks up to. Cena wants Cole to talk about JR’s barbeque sauce. Cole says “it’s slobber knocker good.” This isn’t funny. Lawler has JR’s BBQ sauce with him. Cena hits Cole in the head with the microphone.
Cena pours multiple bottles of BBQ sauce over Cole. Then he gets a fire extinguisher. The crowd chants “Yes Yes Yes.” Cena uses the fire extinguisher on Cole. Cena goes for the Attitude Adjustment. Lord Tensai comes back in and hits Cena with a sit out power bomb. Cole covers Cena. Two count! I saw that false finish coming. Cole starts slapping Cena in the head. He picks up the fire extingusher, charges Cena with it, but is caught on Cena’s shoulder. Attitude Adjustment. 3 count. Cena wins again. What’s better than one Cena win in one night? Two Cena wins in one night. Michael Cole is trending on Twitter again. So is “Tensai.” Barely anything trended tonight. 3 hour Raw next week. The show goes off the air with Cena using the fire extinguisher on Cole again.
Raw was better tonight. Not great, but not bad. Better than the crap we’ve seen the last month. Here’s what I think happened tonight. WWE saw all of the positive response to Smackdown the last few weeks. So they decided to pretty much make Raw the same thing as last week’s Smackdown. We got two of the same matches, and appearances by Ryback and Sin Cara. All Smackdown segments. I guess that works. What they should really be doing is using the right people. Smackdown is better because better talent is on it. Raw has the potential to be better than Smackdown though. But again tonight Zack Ryder and The Miz weren’t used. Bryan wasn’t used enough. I also want to start seeing Antonio Cesaro on Raw. Over a year ago I used to plug in these articles that I wanted Daniel Bryan to be used more. So now I’m starting the “Put Cesaro on tv” campaign. Use him on Raw. The national audience needs to see him. So Raw was okay. There was actually a lot of wrestling. And it was decent. Punk vs Kane was solid. The rest of the matches were mediocre. I like that they tried to showcase wrestling though. The last segment was what it was. I hate the gimmick idea of Cena vs Cole, but at least it was kinda entertaining. The false finishes were good and probably kept marks on the front of their seats. Not bad tonight. However….
And now it’s time for another WWE Writers discussion- So last week we featured Big Show. This week we have to feature Cena. Agreed. We should let him dominate the show like Big Show did last week. Agreed. We should give him a long promo and a match. Disagree. We should give him two matches. AGREED! Love it! Let’s scrap the Daniel Bryan match for a second Cena match. AGREED! Love it! The ratings were really low last week so rationally that had to be because Cena wasn’t on the show. So we need to extra use him tonight. That way the ratings will be the highest ever. Yes! That makes perfect sense to me. So should we really showcase Cena’s wrestling ability tonight and give him a great opponent? Someone like Daniel Bryan or The Miz? Nah. People don’t like wrestling. We’ve been over this before. We have to make the match entertaining. Entertainment is more important than wrestling. This is why I’ve pushed the idea to Vince to change the company name to World Entertainment Entertainment. We have to get the word wrestling out. How did he like it? He loved it. I knew he would. So anyways, we should put Cena against Michael Cole. Oh my god….your such a genius. No wonder why your the head of writing. People all over the world love your writing. Wrestling fans know that Raw writers have the reputation as being the smartest men in the world. And it’s all because of you. Thank you, thank you. I have to admit, I am a genius. Cena vs Cole was the first thing that came to my head. And instead of thinking about things rationally I always go with my gut instinct. That’s why Raw is so fascinating. Remember Mae Young giving birth to a hand? Off the top of my head. Your a genius. So all in favor of a comedy match to main event Raw instead of a legitimate wrestling match that features the WWE Championship say I. IIIIIIIIIIIIII.
Follow Mark Brown on Twitter @FantasyGodmb.