Earlier this week Dave Gilmore wrote a compelling piece about why the NFL Draft is so darn good. As a vocal anti-NFL Draft activist, I thought about immediately writing a counter piece to his column, but figured it would be better to wait a few days out of the fear that my argument would turn into this epic 50,000 word Bill Simmons style saga.
And while every sports fan lies to their friends and says, “Oh yeah, I totally read every word the sports guy writes.” I know that’s not true and that they skim through them like I do.
So without further ado, here are five reasons why the NFL Draft sucks and you shouldn’t pay attention to it tonight.
Back in the day there used to be one mock draft maker. That was his official title too. Mock Draft Maker. His name was Mel Kiper. With the dawn of the internet era (it’ll never last) came a whole slew of other experts pitching their own predictions about which teams would take which athletes.
We may have even posted a mock draft or two here on BSR in years past.
Suckers scoop up these mock drafts and worshipp them. Starving football fans read pages of the same recycled material from different sources on a subject that is as easy to predict as the weather was in 1200 B.C.
Right now, mock drafts should say three things; 1. Andrew Luck to the Colts, 2. Robert Griffin III to the Redskins, 3. I can’t predict any more than that.
Three Days Of Coverage
There’s absolutely no reason that the NFL Draft should be three days.
It doesn’t need to be in prime time on Thursday and no one cares (or knows) about any of the players being picked on Saturday.
For whatever reason people tune in to hear about the practice squad nose guard that their team selects just like they watch the most shameful sixty minutes in pro sports, the Pro Bowl. I’d rather be stuck in the MVA for six hours than be forced to watched the Pro Bowl.
In Draft Coverage
Now that we’ve complained about the length of the draft, let’s talk about what you’re forced to endure on television while you watch.
Producers for the NFL Draft program go into the day without 23 minutes of content and are required to fill a solid eight hours of programming. That’s why fourteen analysts sit at one desk to give their opinion. That’s why they’re using those fancy touch screen smart boards to unnecessarily rank things all the time. That’s why you see the same 14 second highlight loop of that tight end that just got drafted six times in the span of three and half minutes.
If you’re watching on the world-wide leader, the draft has turned into watching Mel Kiper get upset that teams didn’t follow his guide map. You can actually see the anger build up as his year of work slowly floats away like a balloon escaping a three-year-old’s hand at an amusement park.
Quite possibly my favorite new thing to complain about during the NFL Draft is that cutaway shot they show of the kid getting the call from the GM on the clock about a minute before Roger Goodell goes out to call his name.
It’s like spoiler alert.
It’s Thursday Freakin’ Night
If we could ignore the existence of DVRs for a second so I could make my final point.
It’s Thursday night, which means Community is on NBC and it’s the best show on television right now.
After I’m done laughing hysterically at the comedy I will be sure to enjoy on Community at 8 PM EDT, I won’t flip over the watch the Ravens trade down the to second round. Instead I’ll turn it over the MASN to watch the red hot O’s (hopefully) sweep the Toronto Blue Jays.
If that only seemed like four reasons, go back and recount. You’re wrong.