After last week’s company walk out Raw began the only way it could have. With nobody in the ring, nobody on commentary, and no crew at ringside. We see Triple H in the back walking towards the ramp entrance. He makes his way out to the ring. Great start. Very dramatic. Triple H grabs the mic and says that the entire WWE roster walked out on the fans. He mocked them by saying that the WWE is too hard and too dangerous now. We never see a shot of it, but he says the entire roster is outside the building, refusing to come in unless Triple H steps down as the General Manager of Raw. Triple H says he won’t quit and would wrestle a broomstick tonight if he had to. Triple H had a lot of great lines throughout the night, but maybe the best was when he said that the broomstick would give him a better match than half the wrestlers outside. Our hero John Cena comes out. He says he wasn’t apart of the walk out last week for a reason. He points out that he worked for plenty of guys worse than Triple H including Vince McMahon, Eric Bischoff, Vickie Guerrero, 56 guest hosts from Shaq to Al Sharpton, and Mike Adamle. I love the Adamle line. He was the terrible arena football guy they got that knew nothing about wrestling when they brought him in. The very first night he said Jeff Harvey. He also sang Jamaican Me Crazy when Kofi Kingston would come out. Anyways, John Cena said he’s staying on Raw. Sheamus comes out. He brings up two years ago when he attacked Triple H with a lead pipe and how Triple H did not sue or quit. So he won’t quit either. Here comes CM Punk. Punk says he was responsible for this whole thing and made walking out look cool. He says “this is professional wrestling not ballet.” Then he said he was with the “3 smiley good guys” (Triple H, Cena, and Sheamus.) Punk is hilarious, I know. Because Raw only had 4 members on it’s roster Triple H decided to make a John Cena vs. Sheamus match. Triple H is the referee. CM Punk will do commentary. He also needs Punk to ring the bell since there is no time keeper. Punk asks if he gets double pay. He is the best. He does solo commentary and calls himself Bob Uecker. So what a great idea. I love this angle. Triple H has to try to put on a show with 4 guys so he does what he can to crew the show. I love it. Very well done WWE. Very funny, entertaining, dramatic, and unique.
John Cena vs. Sheamus- special referee Triple H- CM is sitting with his legs crossed indian style doing commentary. We get a little bit of wrestling before Vince McMahon’s music hits. McMahon makes everyone but Triple H leave. He says the board of directors don’t approve of the walkout and that Triple H’s service as General Manager are no longer needed. McMahon says that the board is searching for a permanent GM and that the interim GM is John Laurinaitis. The segment ends. I must say that this was the first time ever in my life that I was okay with there being no real wrestling matches in the first 35 minutes of the show. I was interested in the fallout from last week and was very entertained by everything that went on to this point. I’m okay with Laurinatis being the interim GM because I know where they are going with it. Because all the bad guys staged a walk out and got what they want, the purpose of the Lauranaitis storyline is to show that things were actually better with Triple H. It will be a going from bad to worse storyline and will ultimately put Triple H over.
John Lauranaitis is in the back welcoming the crew back through the doors. John Morrison stops to say that he wished he didn’t walk out because Lauranaitis sucks. Lauranaitis tells him to head to the ring for a match. Christian is next and says the board of directors has made the best decision ever. Lauranaitis asks him to go out and wrestle John Morrison.
If you’ve ever been to real live WWE Raw event (I’ve been to about 40 I’d say), then you will notice that Raw re-begins like a real live show does. As if the show was just beginning because the crew was now in the arena, all the commentators came out one by one and took their places. Another creative idea. I wish they would have taken it one step further though and would have held off of the opening video off the top and instead aired it here. As if the show was now officially starting 40 minutes in. Still a good idea nonetheless. Michael Cole tries to take credit for the walkout and calls himself Ghandi, which later trends worldwide on Twitter.
John Morrison vs. Christian- Both men are in street clothes as if they didn’t have time to get ready because they just walked in the door. Christian is accompanied by Cody Rhodes, Dolph Ziggler, and Jack Swagger. Is this a new faction? I know these guys started the walkout, but are they now together? I don’t feel like they need to be. Christian and Rhodes are fine by themselves and do not need Vickie Guerrero in their corner. There are plenty of other talents who need Vickie Guerrero such as David Otunga, Brodus Clay, and Drew McIntyre. So John Morrison is flashy for a few seconds before multiple distractions happen from the guys outside. Christian hits the spear for the win thus burying Morrison even more. Apparently his contract is running out soon. Morrison’s days on Raw are numbered unfortunately. Let’s hope he goes to Ring of Honor and not terrible TNA. After the match all 4 heels destroy Morrison. This progresses the “from bad to worse” Lauranaitis storyline. This is supposedly exactly what the heels wanted when they staged the walkout. Good temporary angle.
In the back John Lauranaitis is on the phone when Triple H walks in very angry. Lauranaitis says he loves the WWE. Triple H says “have you ever tried to pick up your teeth with a bunch of broken fingers.” That’s the perfect way to end their altercation. Funny.
Mark Henry is in the ring blabbering on about The Big Show and how Show took him out on Smackdown. Randy Orton comes out. Then a commercial. At this point I’m kinda getting angry that an hour has passed and there really hasn’t been any real wrestling. I don’t count the Cena/Sheamus thing that was thrown out, and I don’t count the 10 second Morrison/Christian in street clothes thing. Finally a wrestling match is coming up but it involves Mark Henry. How terrible.
World Heavyweight Champion Mark Henry (puke) vs. Randy Orton- The Viper dominates early. But then Cody Rhodes comes out and interferes. Mark Henry goes for The World’s Strongest Slam but Orton impressively counters it, falls behind his back, and hits the RKO. As he goes for the pin Rhodes interferes and causes a disqualification. So we still haven’t had a legit wrestling match tonight. Orton takes out Rhodes and Henry but eventually Rhodes pushes him into The World’s Strongest Slam. Henry then hits a second one. Rhodes comes back into the ring and puts a paper bag on Orton’s head. The commentary team tries their best to try and explain why having a paper bag on your head is very embarrassing. Rhodes picks up the mic and gives the worst little promo ever. First he says if you cut the head off of a viper all the venom goes with it. Then he asks Orton if he wants a receipt with his paper bag. And then he fake laughs very strangely. Seriously. That happened. Rhodes is getting worse on the mic. But I do like the Rhodes/Orton feud. I hope Orton doesn’t take his Intercontinental Championship though, he doesn’t need it.
Kelly Kelly and Eve Torres vs. Rosa Mendes and Tamina. I forgot Rosa and Tamina still had jobs. Kelly starts the match as aggressive as she was last week. She destroys Rosa. Rosa does have time to botch back to back moves before Tamina is tagged in. I can see Rosa being released very soon. Maybe it will happen this week after she messed up the only 2 moves she had to take live on the flagship show. Tamina eventually gets control until the hot tag to Eve. Eve hits a moonsault for the win. Why they are putting Eve over instead of Kelly I don’t know. That’s kinda pointless. We then see Beth Phoenix and Natalya watching in the back. Yawn.
John Lauranaitis comes out and asks all the divas to leave. He makes a match at the next Pay Per View titled “Vengeance.” The match is Alberto Del Rio vs. John Cena for the WWE Championship. Time out. So after CM Punk was randomly thrown into the title picture last month he is now randomly taken out? And as you’ll find out later Punk was only taken out because he is about to be moved into a new storyline. Tossing him around from whatever storyline is available is bad booking and a misuse of talent. And Punk is the last guy they need to be misusing. They have done a pretty terrible job at booking WWE title storylines or making that title relevant lately. Especially after they buried Del Rio, gave it to Cena for a short month, then gave it back to a buried Del Rio. They need to stop involving the WWE title in other storylines and let it be it’s own. Moving on….Lauranaitis calls Jim Ross into the ring. He said that Jim Ross walked out on Triple H last week, and Oklahoma (where Raw is taking place tonight), and the WWE fans. He then fires Jim Ross. Michael Cole stands up and celebrates. (If only this were a real life firing. Then I would also celebrate.)
Mason Ryan, Kofi Kingston, and Evan Bourn vs. Dolph Ziggler, Jack Swagger, and David Otunga with Vickie Guerrero- Team Air Boom comes out to a new terrible rap music song. They are both wearing matching green tights, which I like. They are finally looking like a real tag team. They do some weak double teams that take us to a commercial. I hate commercials in the middle of matches…but you already know that. (Those Buffalo Wild Wings commercials are really stupid and are beyond old. Please stop showing them every single break. Paranormal Activity 3 looks good though.) Back from commercial break we see a tag to Mason Ryan. He actually gets cheers from the crowd. He stumbles around the ring for a little while. We see a double drop kick from Air Boom but Jack Swagger moves too quickly, botches the spot, and Evan Bourn misses. Swagger seems to mess something up every single week now. Otunga is tagged in. I really really liked how Jerry Lawler and Michael Cole continued to put over the walkout while Otunga was in the ring. The King really made it seem like Otunga was staying in contact with all the wrestlers and sending out long winded emails about the walkout. They really put it over as if the entire company were working together and staying in contact to orchestrate the boycott. Eventually Evan Bourn jumps straight onto Swagger’s shoulders and lands his knees on them. Tremendous athleticism. Then Swagger hits a nasty powerbomb as Bourn is on his shoulders. Best spot and move of the night. It may have actually rattled Bourn or knocked the wind out of him because he stayed down after the match and both guys checked on him. After that move Mason Ryan got Dolph Ziggler alone in the ring and hit a swinging slam for the win. Again, time out. So what happened to Zack Ryder? Do his pinfalls on Ziggler not matter anymore? Are we going to forget about that? Instead of giving Ryder a United States Championship shot are we now moving the feud on to Mason Ryan? That’s ridiculous. And most importantly, why wasn’t Ryder used at all on this show??? And to make me even more angry we get another commercial. (Zoo Keeper is the last movie I would ever watch in my entire life. It looks as bad as every Adam Sandler movie rolled into one. The gorilla gets a brain freeze hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha so funny.)
Back from commercial we get another hype video for Brodus Clay who will be returning to Raw soon. After watching terrible Mark Henry and Mason Ryan matches that’s just what we need. More slow big men. Next we get a world premiere trailer of another terrible John Cena movie called “The Reunion.” They say it’s an action/comedy/drama and apparently from what I see its a western too. It has all the ingredients to fail and either go straight to DVD or be #37 at the box office.
WWE Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. CM Punk. This main event has the chance to be great. Two great wrestlers in the ring. Very good chain wrestling and a game of one ups to start. Del Rio tries to work the arm early but Punk keeps countering with kicks. Del Rio goes to the outside and must have forget the spots in the match. He looks very confused, then goes back into the ring and awkwardly pauses for a little bit. Yup, he must have forget the spot. He aggressively attacks Punk to stay on him. Because Punk is a genius he takes over the match to get it back into control. He uses a leg scissors while elbowing Del Rio in the face. Punk gets up and misses a knee in the corner. He falls to the outside. Once that happens John Lauranaitis comes out for the 40th time tonight. He cancels the match. He says the match will now be a tag team match and that he just reinstated The Miz and R-Truth. They come out singing their “You Suck” song. Apparently Michael Cole has died and gone to heaven.
Alberto Del Rio and CM Punk vs. The Miz and R-Truth- Interesting to see Punk and Del Rio working together because of a common enemy. Del Rio is extremely aggressive, and rightfully so following the attack that Miz/Truth had on them at the PPV. Del Rio kicks R-Truth repeatedly and very hard. Maybe too hard. The Miz is tagged in and he works with Del Rio for a little bit. I love seeing the heel vs heel stuff. It’s rare. The match continues with a lot of quick tags on both sides. Del Rio fakes an injury and Ricardo Rodriguez carries him out. This leaves Punk alone 2 on 1. Punk is on a roll taking both of them out when they double team him and get disqualified. They continue to pound on him until Triple H hits the ring. CM Punk and Triple H take out The Miz and R-Truth until they escape up the ramp and into the crowd. In the back we see John Lauranaitis with David Otunga. Lauranaitis tells him that he is making a tag match at Vengeance. Triple H and CM Punk vs. The Miz and R-Truth. The end.
My thoughts. Great start to Raw. Good way to progress the storyline. Terrible wrestling though. Punk and Del Rio was just getting good when it was cut off. Other than that all the matches were really bad. I mean really bad. Only 2 of them actually had a pinfall. I hope they progress the storyline quicker and don’t stick with Lauranaitis very long as the General Manager. I feel like he isn’t very good on camera, overacts, and can really hurt the ratings. This United States Championship thing is really annoying me. First they wanted to put Alex Riley in a feud with Ziggler but realized he wasn’t good. And now Mason Ryan. When will they realize he isn’t good either? Ziggler vs. Ryder is the moneymaker. Also, they really need to find something to do with Daniel Bryan. He needs to be a focus of both shows. John Morrison needs to be used better too. It’s starting to be a land of the giants again. I don’t want to see Mark Henry, The Big Show, Mason Ryan, and Brodus Clay getting all the tv time. Eventually Kane will be back making it even worse. The only big man I don’t mind is Sheamus. He needs to be the one to take the title from Mark Henry. As the first segment proved he is one of the top faces in the company and deserves a long title run. He is skilled, highly unique, and is a very entertaining face. I love his little random Irish stories each week with references to his opponent and how he always uses the word “arse.” He has comical timing. So anyways, Raw turned out to be decent. It had some highs and some very low lows. Let’s hope for more and better wrestling next week. Leave comments or questions!
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