It’s a special 3 hour “Raw Gets Rocked” edition of Monday Night Raw live from Boston. What will happen as The Rock is the special guest host in the hometown of John Cena?? Survivor Series is coming up this Sunday Night when The Rock returns to the ring for the first time since 2004 to team up with John Cena to take on The Miz and R-Truth!
Monday Night Raw Results 11/14/11
Raw begins with the introduction of Michael Cole. It looks like it’s finally time for the Michael Cole Challenge after weeks of postponement. Cole calls Jim Ross a cartoon float and introduces him. JR’s stupid Oklahoma music hits.
Michael Cole vs. Jim Ross- Cole says there will be 3 challenges. If JR wins them all he gets his announcing job back and Cole quits. The first event is arm wrestling. I guess since this Raw is 3 hours long they will just waste an extra hour of our time this week with this crap. Cole stretches and does some impressive one armed pushups. He continues to delay the start with powdering his hands. He wants JR to call the arm wrestling action and say “this is a slobberknocker.” They finally begin and JR beats Cole in about a second. Cole says he gave up because JR’s breath was so bad. They show the replay 3 times and Cole blabbers over it. The next competition is a dance off. Cole struts with a red scarf to some techno music. Jerry Lawler isn’t sure if Cole is dancing or having a seizure. Jim Ross asks people to clap and starts wiggling around to some hip hop stuff. Lawler says he moves like Jagger. JR’s dancing is ridiculously funny. The crowd gets to pick the winner. Of course JR wins because the average fan doesn’t understand true talent like Michael Cole. The winner of this next event is the announcer of Raw. Cole says JR is about to pull the biggest choke job since the Boston Red Sox. The third event is “who weighs less.” Michael Cole weighs 200 lbs. JR weighs 239 lbs. Michael Cole wins. CM Punk’s music hits as he makes his way out. Cole ask’s how dare you take my time. Punk says his time is up and that this entire thing was a waste of time, except for JR’s dancing. Michael Cole is officially trending on Twitter. Punk says Cole’s 15 minutes of fame are up and that between him, Laurinaitis, and Del Rio this show is unbearable. He said the fans in the crowd wished they had a remote to fast forward Cole. Punk says the show is already 3 hours tonight but it felt like Cole was out there for 6 hours. John Laurinaitis comes out to talk about his Twitter followers not wanting the Cole challenge to stop. He says Punk will team with The Big Show to take on Mark Henry and Alberto Del Rio tonight. Michael Cole wants an apology from Punk. Instead Punk hits a headbutt and hooks the Anaconda Vice.
Matt Stryker is in the back at a limo saying The Rock was about to come out. Instead Mick Foley comes out! This is the first time Foley has been on Raw in many many years. Actually the last time he was there I was in the crowd live as Edge took him out through a table. I’ve been to so many events that I can’t remember where it was. Perhaps Baltimore? Maybe DC? Some of you reading this were probably there to. Anyways, Foley goes for the cheap pop and says he’s there to make sure it’s a night The Rock and Cena will never forget. It sure is good to see Foley again!
Sin Cara and Kofi Kingston vs. Cody Rhodes and Hunico – Jim Ross has joined Jerry Lawler on commentary while Cole gets medical attention. Cody Rhodes has new music and is no longer wearing the mask. They show an earlier today promo were Rhodes laughs creepily talking about Orton. Hunico, who was the evil Sin Cara, starts the match off with Sin Cara. They do some lucha libre style quick armdrags to start. Kofi is tagged in and hits a springboard monkey flip, a few drop kicks, and a dive to the outside. Stupid commercial break. Mick Foley and Anaconda Vice are officially trending on Twitter. Back from break Cody Rhodes has Sin Cara in a chin lock. He tags in Hunico who hits a sleeper, kicks, and a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Quick tags back and forth between Rhodes and Hunico as they work Sin Cara in preparation for the hot tag. Sin Cara finally counters Rhodes with a hurricanrana, which he does 15 of every match. Hot tag to Kingston who hits clotheslines on Rhodes. Sin Cara hits a corkscrew to the outside taking out Hunico. Kofi goes for Trouble In Paradise, but it’s counted by Rhodes as he hits Cross Rhodes for the win. Decent quick match with some high flying. The match really featured a contrast in styles by including Cody Rhodes so it was doomed from the start. But just like every other Cody Rhodes match it turned out to be mediocre.
In the back we see The Rock entering the building! WWE is on fire tonight as Hunico and Cody Rhodes are both trending worldwide on Twitter. I think this is already a record for the most Twitter trends and were still in the first of three hours.
In the back Santino Marella is playing the new WWE 12 video game. Zack Ryder walks up and asks Santino to sign his petition for a US Title Shot. Santino brags about The Rock being better than “John Chayna”, and Ryder says his broski Cena is better than The Rock in the ring.
Vickie Guerrero comes out to give the bad news that Christian is injured and is off their Survivor Series team. She blames Teddy Long for making Christian wrestle injured on Smackdown. She says she spoke to Laurinaitis and…Dolph Ziggler interrupts. Ziggler says he has joined the team. He doesn’t understand why the team is called “Team Barrett” when Ziggler has a championship and he doesn’t. He goes on one of his fast talking rants, which is very entertaining. He says he’s facing Mason Ryan next, who has 2 first names and no clue. How good is Ziggler on the mic? He has truly improved his mic skills more than anyone else in the company over the last few months. Unfortunately Christian is legitimately injured and is out for awhile. He will be missed.
Back from commercial break John Laurinaitis and Michael Cole are at ringside and are kicking Jim Ross off the position. Michael Cole is wearing an arm brace from earlier tonight. Michael Cole says he just spoke with David Otunga in the back and that he will be suing CM Punk.
Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero vs. Mason Ryan- Tie up to start and Ryan powers Ziggler into the corner. Ziggler counters with a few punches that angers Ryan. Ryan responds with a weak clothesline, shoulder thrust, and big boot. He hits a very impressive Ultimate Warrior style Gorilla Press Slam. Vickie Guerrero jumps up on the apron and slaps Ryan. Ryan wins by DQ. Ziggler leaves up the ramp but John Morrison grabs him from behind and throws him back into the ring. Ryan hits the Full Nelson into a Full Nelson Slam, which is his new finisher. This was certainly a waste of time. I still don’t like Ryan but his press slam is probably the move of the night. Ziggler sold it very well.
Mick Foley is walking in the back and walks up to Zack Ryder. Ryder asks Foley to sign his online petition. Foley fist pumps with him and says woo woo woo you know it. Vickie Guerrero is trending on Twitter. Raw must be getting huge ratings tonight.
Mick Foley comes out to the ring. Foley says he’s finally back home to the WWE. He talks about The Rock and Cena and says they should form The Rock and Cena Connection. He wants the people to see John Cena the way he does, as one of the greatest performers in history. The fans boo. Foley introduces Cena. The fans boo more. This is his home town why are they booing?? What terrible fans Boston has, but we already know that from the Red Sox. Cena says he respects Mick Foley for all that he’s done. Foley said in 2006 he wrote a letter to management giving his support for Cena. Foley talks about how a few weeks ago he was in a war of Twitter words with people about how good Cena is. This is true, I was on Twitter reading this stuff live as Foley was posting it. Foley shows a shirt that is half Rock and half Cena shirts. Foley says he’s going to do “Cena this is your life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” The most epic segment in WWE Raw History was “The Rock this is your life.” I’m so pumped for this!!!! He shows an emotional video package of Cena as a little boy and as a WWE wrestler. Here comes guest #1!!! The voice says “your up Johnny.” It’s Cena’s little league coach. It’s Will Gray!!! Gray is telling a story. It’s the bottom of the 6th all they need is a base hit to win. Cena strikes out looking. He said Cena cried his eyes out. Foley said Cena turned that frown upside down and is a better man! Here comes guest #2. He says “booya John.” It’s Cena’s old rap partner Bull Buchanan. Yes the Bull Buchanan that used to be a WWE wrestler. The same guy that used to be in the Truth Commition, and was the Big Boss Man’s partner. Foley shows a clip of Cena rapping from Smackdown back in the day. Foley keeps saying Booya!! Bull says Cena was a great partner. Then he says he got fired, his wife left him, he lost all his money, and his dog bit him and gave him rabies. If that’s a joke its pretty funny. Even if it’s true it’s still funny. He says Cena ruined his life and walks off. Guest #3 is Cena’s father. John Cena Sr. comes out to a bigger pop than Cena Jr. got. He has bad saxophone jazz music that Foley is dancing to. Cena Sr. goes off on the fans for chanting “Cena sucks.” He says Cena doesn’t suck, you suck. Cena Jr. is very embarrassed. Cena Sr. doesn’t help his case any by saying his son works hard, little kids like him, and that the fans are all losers. Cena Jr. stops him. Cena Jr. says everyone has a right to think want they want of him. He says that wasn’t his life and that the WWE is his life. How cheesy. Cena tries to leave but Foley has more surprises. He starts to introduce an ex-girlfriend but The Rock’s music hits. The Rock runs down to the ring and hits a Rock Bottom on Foley. Then he exits the ring and walks to the back. How nostalgic. The segment was a little awkward and didn’t work as well as it could have but I don’t care. I loved it! This is Your Life is trending on Twitter.
Sheamus vs. Jack Swagger w/ Vickie Guerrero- They show the video of Sheamus giving the MTV European music award to Justin Bieber. They wasted a good segment with Sheamus and Zack Ryder where Ryder asks Sheamus about meeting Bieber. Ryder is a huge Bieber fan. Sheamus works Swagger down with a headlock and hits a shoulder bump. Swagger takes over with some chain wrestling but its countered by Sheamus with a kick to the face and a clothesline. Sheamus throws his knees repeatedly into Swagger. He hits a clothesline sending Swagger to the outside. That was a commercial spot thus the commercial break that followed. Back from break Sheamus is hitting his patented chest punches through the ropes. Swagger responds with a shoulder thrust and is now in control. John Cena Sr. is now trending on Twitter. Swagger works Sheamus for awhile and repeatedly throws him into the ropes with a hard forearm to the back. Sheamus counters one with a clothesline then clubs away at Swagger. Sheamus goes for the Celtic Cross but Swagger counters, takes out Sheamus’ knees, hits the Swagger bomb, and hooks in the Ankle Lock. Sheamus rolls over and kicks Swagger out of the ring. He hits the Irish Curse Backbreaker and the Brogue Kick for the win. Decent match for two big men. I liked it.
In the back Zack Ryder has the Bella Twins sign his online petition. They walk up to Alberto Del Rio and say he is very interesting. They want to hang out with Del Rio in the city. Ryder runs up and says they should come party in the big L.I. and fist pump with him instead. Del Rio and the Bella’s roll their eyes and walk away. Ryder says, “are you serious bro?”
Natalya w/ Beth Phoenix vs. Kelly Kelly w/ Eve Torres and Alicia Fox- A hightlight video showing Kelly Kelly’s photo shoot for Maxim magazine starts the segment. Fake weaves and all! On to the match. Kelly is wearing a Patriots jersey. She gets powered into the corner by Natalya. She reverses and does the stupid stink face. Beth jumps up on the apron for the distraction and Natalya grabs her legs. She goes for the sharpshooter but Kelly counters with a school boy pin for the win. Another 10 second women’s match where Natalya jobs in the end. This is getting old. Why push the anti-Barbie doll divas if they are just going to bury them? Has Natalya won a match in a few months? Ridiculous.
in the back John Laurinaitis is on the phone with Brodus Clay saying his debut won’t be tonight because he would be overshadowed by The Rock. Ugh, here we go again. Alberto Del Rio walks in. They talk about CM Punk being trouble if he wins the title. Del Rio says Punk won’t even make it to Survivor Series. He says he will be champion longer than Laurinaitis will be GM.
In the back Matt Stryker is with Miz and R-Truth. They look angry. They don’t respond to any of Stryker’s questions and walks off.
CM Punk is walking in the back when Del Rio jumps him from behind. He lays him out underneath a production truck.
CM Punk and Big Show vs. Alberto Del Rio and Mark Henry- Big CM Punk chants off the top. Big Show and Del Rio start. Big Show powers him into multiple corners and hits big chops. Punk is tagged in and stomps away at Del Rio very aggressively in the corner following his attack. Big Show tagged back in with a punch to the gut. Henry is tagged in and ties up with Big Show. They do a bunch of big men stuff for a long time that almost put me to sleep. Big Show sets up for the Weapon of Mass Destruction on Mark Henry but he rolls out of the ring. Back from break Del rio and Punk are going at it. Del Rio hits a tilt-a-whirl back breaker. Cole is like a scorned little school girl going off on Punk. He’s very funny. Cole is such a great heel. Del Rio continues to work the arm in preparation for the Cross Arm Breaker. Punk powers up and the two exchange blows before Punk hits a diving clothesline. Henry comes into the ring and Punk hits a major kick followed by a Big Show big boot that takes him out of the ring. Henry comes back in and catches Punk off the top rope with a World’s Strongest Slam. Big Show again knocks Henry out of the ring but Del Rio covers Punk for the win. After the match Del Rio hits the Cross Arm Breaker on Punk until the Big Show comes in to break it up.
Santino Marella comes out to talk about how he almost won the Royal Rumble in this city last year. Kevin Nash’s music hits and he comes down to the ring. Santino says please tell me your not here to beat me up. Nash says he’s a big fan. He says the Royal Rumble talk brought back memories. He asks Santino to do his trombone. Santino does it and then gets a big boot to the face. Nash says he got the biggest ovation of the night at the Rumble and that Triple H didn’t have the good business sense to sign him. He says “I’m here and you’re not.” Then he delivers the Jackknife to Santino.
A promo airs showing that Jonah Hill will guest host Raw next week!
Wade Barrett vs. Randy Orton- Barrett brings his entire Survivor Series team to ringside with him. Then Orton brings his entire team. This results in a commercial break. Ugh. Santino Marella is trending worldwide on Twitter. Back from break the bell rings and Orton gets control early. He stomps away at Barrett’s body. He irish whips Barrett into the ropes but it’s countered with a Bossman Slam. Barrett whips Orton into the corner and stomps away at him. He wears Orton down until he counters with a spine buster. Orton hits his quick spinning powerslam followed by his hanging DDT off the ropes. Cody Rhodes jumps into the ring for the DQ. Then everyone from the Survivor Series match jumps in one by one. The ring is full. Mason Ryan tosses everyone out of the ring and Sheamus hits a Brogue Kick. Orton hits an RKO on Hunico. Mason Ryan then tosses Hunico to the outside onto all his teammates. Wow what a terrible and predictable finish. I absolutely HATE this kind of boring writing. The fact that all those guys came out to the ring in the first place was terrible. It was a lazy way to promote a not so important PPV match. The traditional style Survivor Series matches don’t really need to be hyped. The best ones are the random ones that don’t have any hype behind them. I hate any segment that ends in everyone rushing the ring for a big battle royal. Terrible way to finish the wrestling on this show. Thank god The Rock is next.
If you smelllll what The Rock is cooking. The music hits. Here he comes to put on a microphone clinic for everyone in the back. At 3:15 am The Rock woke up, at 3:30 am he ate breakfast, not a fruity pebble in sight. He goes on to talk about his entire day including filming for GI Joe earlier in the day. He says when he got to the arena a Boston guy said “hey Rock your a wicked pisser.” Must be a Boston thing? Rock says, “yeah I got great aim.” Hahahahahahahahahahha. He finally comes to 10:50 when he finally gets the chance to say “finally The Rock has come back to Boston.” He puts over Survivor Series and wants it to be right now. He says he’s the most electrifying man in entertainment and in Twitter-tainment. He says anything he says trends world wide right away. He says forget the Kardashian divorce, forget the NBA lockout, he wants Bootstoasses trending right now. The crowd chants “boots to asses.” Love it!! So much for Boston having a bad audience. He says we just made Twitter history right now. The Miz and R-Truth come out. The Miz says “really?” R-Truth says The Rock is delusional. He says Raw doesn’t get Rocked, it gets “Aweeeesome.” The Miz says they want to make history at Survivor Series and that The Rock will get beat. I think The Rock gets got would have been better personally. John Cena’s music hits. Cena stands next to The Rock and asks if Miz is wearing makeup. He then immediately takes a shot at The Rock saying he’s the captain of bringing messages via satellite. The Rock says Cena isn’t used to having support from someone who has already hit puberty. He says his size 15 are gonna rise up and kick Cena in his lady parts. He wants Cena’s lady parts to be trending on Twitter. Cena says Sunday The Rock get’s bitch slapped will be trending on Twitter. The Miz says he’s sick of this. He says the last time the two of them were going back and forth like this he won the main event at Wrestlemania. R-Truth says Little Rocky and Little Johnny and going back and forth for all the Little Jimmy’s. As #bootstoasses is finally trending on Twitter The Rock repeats it as him and Cena attack Miz and R-Truth. The Rock hits the Rock Bottom on R-Truth. Cena goes for the AA on The Miz but Miz slides down his back and gets hit with a Rock Bottom from Rocky. The Rock walks up the ramp and gives the “you can’t see me” signal to Cena as the show goes off the air. Good segment. Definitely not long enough. Usually The Rock’s segments are much longer than this. They must have been low on time from all the bad wrestling matches. I really would have liked to see The Rock get at least 10 more minutes. The talk between him and Cena certainly wasn’t long enough. I thought I would have liked seeing The Rock and The Miz interact, but honestly The Miz and R-Truth kinda ruined the segment. It took away from The Rock and Cena trash talking. That is the most entertaining thing to see. But overall it’s always great to see The Rock. There is nobody on the planet with better mic skills and nobody as entertaining. Survivor Series should be a hot event this Sunday! 5 minutes after Raw goes off the air #CenasLadyParts is trending worldwide. That is how I want to end this blog this week.
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