Tonight’s special 3 hour Raw features the year end Slammy Awards show. The show opens with an introduction video much like one you would see at the MTV Video Awards, with a strange woman voice-over and bad rap music. I liked the intro video, I just don’t like rap music. Right at the beginning of the show it’s time for the first award!

WWE Monday Night Raw Results 12/12/11

Booker T and Hornswoggle come out to present the “tell me I did not just say that award.” There is an award pedestal with a microphone up on the entrance stage where everything is being announced. Hornswoggle is wearing a big black wig and street clothes. Booker T talks about how Hornswoggle won the Christmas special battle royal and was gained the ability to speak by Santa Claus. I know what all of you non wrestling fans are thinking when you read that one. It’s actually kinda funny. So Hornswoggle is no longer a leprechaun and is apparently a gangster now. He says “Shhhhiiii Book” to Booker T which is supposed to be an almost cursing joke. Then Hornswoggle talks real gangster and puts over Booker’s title match against Cody Rhodes at TLC this Sunday in Baltimore, MD! The nominees for this award are Jim Ross dancing, Santino Marella almost winning the Royal Rumble but getting dumped by Del Rio over the top, R-Truth getting got by little Jimmy after a drink was thrown in his face, and The Miz dressing like The Rock and delivering the Rock Bottom to Cena. I’m not really sure what this category means still. The winner is Jim Ross. JR says he never thought he would win a Slammy for “getting jiggy with it.” Michael Cole grabs a microphone and goes into the ring. #Slammyawards is trending on Twitter. Michael Cole says that JR got “jiggly with it” because his stomach was bouncing around. Booker T takes up for JR and says that he could beat Michael Cole in a rap off. So it looks like were going to have a rap off between Good Ol’ JR and Michael Cole. Booker, Hornswoggle, and JR make their way into the ring. Funny how they are doing a rap off after I just complained that I hate rap music. Cole says he listens to Eminem and doesn’t eat all the MNM’s like JR. Cole starts dancing, pretty funny stuff. “My name is Cole, that’s my name. I’m like JR but smaller, I went to Wrestlemania and beat Jerry Lawler.” That’s just a sample. The last line is “JR go back in your hole cause you just got schooled by Vintage Cole.” JR says he doesn’t need music. “Michael Cole your a damn fool, the King beat you like a government mule.” JR can’t remember his lines. He forgets them twice and pretty much gives up. Booker T declares JR the winner. JR sticks his Slammy in Cole’s face. Booker T says the people want to see JR do a spin-a-roonie. Jim Ross and Hornswoggle are officially trending on Twitter. Booker T does the spin-a-roonie. Cole says this is the worst segment in television history. Booker T gets the crowd to chant “JR JR JR” while Cole chants “go away go away go away.” Cole is hilarious tonight. JR tries to spin around on his back and flops around. Cole says he thought JR suffered a heart attack and that they would need a crane to get him out of the ring. End of segment. Finally. Thank god for Michael Cole. I can’t even blast that segment or say it was awful because Michael Cole was so entertaining in it.

Back from commercial we get an MTV like voice over saying “welcome back to the 2011 Slammy Awards.” Two legends, Mick Foley and the Million Dollar Man Ted Dibiase come out the present the next award. It’s the “Holy S*** Moment of the Year.” Foley asks why they were paired together. Dibiase says it’s because he’s rich and Foley is cheap. The nominees are Sheamus powerbombing Sin Cara through a ladder at Money In The Bank, Randy Orton with an RKO on Christian onto ring steps, The Big Show vs. Mark Henry ring collapse, and Evan Bourn shooting star press off a ladder onto 5 guys. The winner is Big Show and Mark Henry. I personally liked that Randy Orton vs. Christian spot and match. So the Big Show comes out and says he will accept by himself. He says he will sit the Slammy next to his World Heavyweight Championship after he beats Mark Henry at TLC this Sunday. He makes his way down to the ring for a match. They show a clip from Smackdown of Big Show beating Mark Henry with a chair.

The Big Show vs. Wade Barrett–  Barrett gets on the mic first and talks about how he will beat Orton at TLC.  Yawn.  Then comes a commercial break that cuts off the beginning of the match.  The beginning should never be cut off.  It establishes the match psychology for the entire contest.  What a terrible idea to do that.  Big Show and Barrett are fighting on the outside around a table that is set up.  Barrett places Big Show on the table and goes to the top rope.  Big Show sits up before Barrett can jump and Barrett freezes.  The Big Show gets angry and destroys the table with his bare hands.  Barrett hops down and charges Big Show but is hit with a right hand.  Barrett goes to the outside and grabs a chair. He runs at Big Show with the chair, but Big Show punches it out of his hands. The bell rings for a disqualification. Why I don’t know? The chair was never used. Why would there by a DQ? I don’t get it. So that’s the match. It lasted about 3 minutes. So far we’ve seen 30 minutes of combined talking and commercials and only 3 minutes of wrestling. The Slammy Awards are entertaining though, but a little more wrestling would be better.

A promo airs for WWE Tribute to the Troops which airs Tuesday night on USA. It features appearances from celebrities and performances by two talentless acts- Mary Blige and Nickleback. Ew. I’ll be DVR’ing that for sure so that I can fast forward most of it.

Out comes “The Road Dogg” Jesse James. Really? When is the last time he was on tv for WWE? 1999? I know he’s a backstage agent for the company now, but that’s pretty cool and nostalgic. I was always a huge New Age Outlaws fan just like everyone else. Hsae comes out to his “oh you didn’t know” music with a DX t-shirt. It’s me it’s me it’s that D O double G. He say’s he’s trying to keep it PG. He goes into his “ladies and gentlemen boys and girls” routine and introduces the nominees for “Pipe Bomb of the year.” Hmmmmmm I wonder who will win this one???? Do we even need to see nominees? The nominees are R-Truth saying the wrong city (Green Bay when they were in Milwaukee), Santino teaching the fake Obama the cobra and getting tackled by “secret service” (two of which are local Maryland indy wrestlers Scott Fowler and Bill Bain…look up their stuff, they are both great talents), Stone Cold offering CM Punk alcohol, R-Truth is nominated with tons of clips they show, Booker T saying shacky ducky what what or whatever (they pretty much make fun of Booker’s commentary for awhile), Santino telling Ryder it doesn’t matter what your name is, The Rock saying Cena’s lady parts, CM Punk reading the text from his sister about Kevin Nash “OMG Kevin Nash WTF thought he was dead LOL”, Howard Finkle announcing Punk, Sheamus and Beaker, Pee Wee Herman and Mean Gene arguing, clips from Zack Ryder’s webshow, Teddy Long messing up lines about Smackdown being the second longest show, and CM Punk talking about ice cream bars. Wow what a lot of nominees. That video was pretty hilarious though. CM Punk wins….shocker. He comes out with a mannequin with a yellow wig on. He says he wants to recognize someone backstage that doesn’t get recognition. He say’s just like this boring mannequin he lacks human characteristics like honor, pride, and intelligence. He gives a tribute to John Laurinaitis. A terrible 80’s rock song plays with clips of Laurinaitis from Raw and back when he used to be a wrestler. He has big luscious blonde hair and he’s dancing and pumping iron. The graphic says “lifetime achievement award.” Pretty funny video that a lot of people are talking about. Punk accepts for him.  The video can be found here.

The next award is “Divalicious Moment of the Year.” Another surprise guest as Lita comes out. Lita talks about all her great moments in the WWE. The nominees are Natalya’s double sharp shooter, Kelly Kelly winning her first Diva’s Championship, Kharma making her debut, and Beth Phoenix Glam Slam off the top rope at Survivor Series. The winner is somehow Kelly Kelly. Beth Phoenix and Natalya come out before Kelly can speak and take her award. Kelly slaps her across the face. Natalya restrains her and they walk off.

The next award is “OMG Moment of the Year.” What’s the difference between the OMG one and the Holy S*** one? Santino Marella and The Bella Twins are the presenters. Santino thinks it’s pronounced ohmg. The Bella’s have to tell him it’s O.M.G. He calls them Alberto Del Rio fluzzies. They say “oh my god.” Dumb joke. The nominees…Triple H tombstones The Undertaker at Wrestlemania, Rock Bottom to John Cena at Wrestlemania, Superstars walk out on Triple H as GM, and CM Punk takes the WWE Title with him when his contract expires. The winner is Triple H and Undertaker. Triple H comes out for the first time in 7 weeks. He has a sledgehammer in hand. He doesn’t go to the award podium, but instead walks straight down to the ring. He poses for a good 5 minutes. He said the OMG moment wasn’t what you saw, but it was instead after the match when The Undertaker couldn’t leave the ring on his own power. He says 9 months later The Undertaker is no more. He say’s the streak came to an end. What????? The streak did not come to an end. The Undertaker won that match. What is he talking about? Is this supposed to make you forget about The Undertaker so that he can return on January 2nd from the cryptic “it begins” videos. Or are they seriously going to try to write off the streak because Undertaker can no longer perform? Maybe it wasn’t what he meant and he immediately thought about how stupid that sounded. That should have been the bad pipe bomb line moment of the year thingy. That line angered me enough to not really listen to his generic promo on Kevin Nash. He says stuff about beating Nash and that Nash is now done. He walks back up the ramp and Santino attempts to hand him his Slammy with a smile. Triple H holds up his sledgehammer and Santino runs off.

The next award is “Trending Star of the Year.” Another award that we need no nominees for. The presenters are David Otunga and WWE Hall of Famer Tony Atlas. Atlas immediately does his hilarious laugh. Remember when he used to do that on the Abraham Washington Show on ECW? What ever happened to Atlas and Washington? That was a hilarious show. Both guys were highly entertaining. Otunga tries to talk about the award but Atlas just laughs the entire time. I love it. The nominees are Cody Rhodes, Daniel Bryan, Dolph Ziggler, and Zack Ryder. All of these guys are big time internet guys…except Cody Rhodes. Why is he nominated? So apparently there is about to be a fatal four way match between these guys, and the first guy to trend on Twitter wins the award. Really? What does trending in one match have to do with who wins a yearly award? I guess it’s kind of an innovative idea but a little weird to me. I’m all for something happening live on social media effecting the outcome of a live show though. I really like all four of these guys and I’m hoping for a great match.

Zack Ryder vs. Cody Rhodes vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Dolph Ziggler w/ Vickie Guerrero- All four guys start in the ring. Bryan and Ryder dump Rhodes and Ziggler to the outside and hit double 450 splashes to the outside. Ryder gets the crowd to chant “woo woo woo” very loudly while Bryan gets in Michael Cole’s face. Commercial. Was really hoping we wouldn’t have one of those during this match. Back live we see Ryder and Bryan in the ring together. Bryan powers him into the corner and hits hard kicks. Ryder reverses a bulldog and hits knees to Bryan’s face. Samoa Joe face squash in the corner. Irish whip into the corner, but Bryan runs up the ropes and moonsaults over Ryder’s head. They hit a double cross body and both hit the mat. Ziggler and Rhodes come back into the ring and stomp away at both guys instead of fighting each other. They throw Ryder out of the ring and double team Bryan. Ziggler hits a dropkick to the head and show boats. Rhodes doesn’t like the showboating and the two push each other. Bryan slides in with a school boy pin for a near fall. Bryan and Rhodes then roll around the ring hitting multiple near fall counters. Ziggler breaks it up and Rhodes dumps Bryan to the outside. Ziggler dumps Ryder. Ziggler goes for a school boy pin on Rhodes but he kicks out. Rhodes hits the Alabama Slam on Ziggler. Another near fall. Another commercial. Ugh. Back from break to loud crowd chants “woo woo woo.” Ryder is in a figure four leg lock from Rhodes but gets out. He knocks Rhodes into the corner and goes for another face squash, but Ziggler cuts him off with a clothesline. Ziggler goes for a neckbreaker but Ryder rolls through for a near fall. Ziggler pushes him off, Ryder goes running towards the ropes, and Bryan sunset flips over the top into a pin on Ryder. Ryder kicks out, both men get up, and Ziggler hits a double clothesline on both men. Very solid spot. Very good match so far. Rhodes hits an enzuguri on Ziggler. Bryan knocks him into the corner and hits some nasty Ring of Honor style hard kicks to the chest. Very quick. Bryan is on fire and hits a running drop kick into the corner. He climbs the top rope but Rhodes knocks him off. Ziggler goes for a flying clothesline in the corner on Ryder but Ryder moves. Both Ziggler and Rhodes hit superplexes off the top rope on Ryder and Bryan. The crowd begins to chant “this is awesome.” Ziggler and Rhodes punch away at one another. Ziggler leap frogs Rhodes and hits the Rough Ryder in mid air on Ziggler. Rhodes then hits Cross Rhodes on Ryder. Bryan grabs Rhodes and attempts the lebell lock, but Ziggler uses a sleeper. Bryan counters, misses a kick, and Ziggler hits the Zig Zag for the win. Great match. A+. 5 Stars. And anything else positive I can say. All four guys were highly impressive. Ryder really proved just how good of a wrestler he is tonight. He did things I’ve never seen him do. Plus the match had Daniel Bryan, who is the best wrestler in the world. Jerry Lawler comes into the ring to announce the trending winner and of course it’s Zack Ryder. Ryder comes in to celebrate but Ziggler hits the Zig Zag and steals his award. Great hype for their match at TLC this Sunday in Baltimore! Great match. Great segment. That’s enough to keep me happy all night.

The “welcome back” voice brings us back from commercial. The next category is “Game Changer of the Year.” Christian comes out in crutches and a neck brace to present. Have I mentioned yet that Alicia Fox and Eve Torres are walking all the presenters out tonight? Well they are. Anyways, all these injures are pretty funny. I like this storyline. Christian presents the courageous moment of the year award to himself. He asks why he’s not nominated for Superstar of the Year, when he won the World Championship twice this year. The nominees are…Triple H having to fire Vince McMahon, Edge announcing his surprise retirement, Kevin Nash returning to cost CM Punk the championship, and The Rock challenging John Cena to main event next year’s Wrestlemania. The Rock and John Cena are the winners. Cena comes out to accept to major boos. Cena introduces The Rock, and the crowd goes crazy, but nobody comes out. Cena says “what do you mean he’s not here?” Cena apologizes and says The Rock is too busy for the fans and usually sends a clip. He tries to roll a clip, but there is nothing there. He says “we don’t even have a clip?” He apologizes for Team Bring It not bringing it. Good stuff. Cena says he knows The Rock will see this and he hopes it fuels him for Wrestlemania. He puts over April 1st saying it will be the biggest Wrestlemania ever.

Alberto Del Rio and The Miz vs. Randy Orton and WWE Champion CM Punk- The ring is surrounded by tables, ladders, and chairs, which of course hypes their TLC match this Sunday at the TLC Pay Per View….which of course is in Baltimore, MD!! Punk starts the match chain wrestling The Miz and hits a hard kick to the chest, followed by a slam, and leg drop. Orton is tagged in and he immediately stomps every part of The Miz’s body, followed by a knee drop. Snap suplex and a near fall by Orton. He irish whips Miz into the corner, but Miz counters, and hits a nice DDT from Orton’s knees. Del Rio is tagged in as he stomps away at Orton. He distracts the referee as Miz chokes Orton from the outside. Del Rio hits a drop kick to the back of Orton’s head. Alberto Del Rio is officially trending on Twitter. Orton starts to get double teamed, but fights back before Miz rakes his eyes. Miz uses a long chin lock and Orton counters with a side suplex. Orton makes the hot tag to Punk, who comes in firing. Multiple clotheslines and a bulldog on Del Rio. He signals Go To Sleep but Del Rio rolls out. Miz hits a guillotine on Punk off the ropes and the pace slows again into a commercial break. Back in the ring Punk is in a chin lock from Miz. Punk counters with a backslide pin but Miz kicks out and hits a hard clothesline. Del Rio is tagged back in and does some more punching and stomping, followed by an arm bar. Punk gets back to his feet, headbutts himself out of the hold, and hits a tilt-a-whirl neck breaker. Del Rio tags Miz who keeps Punk grounded and away from the hot tag. Miz goes for his big boot to the face but misses. He tags Del Rio back in who uses a backdrop with knees to Punk’s arm. Nice enzuguri in the corner by Del Rio. He tags Miz who uses the running corner clothesline. Miz hits multiple boot kicks to Punk’s face. He goes for the Skull Crushing Finale, but Punk counters. Miz still catches him and goes for the backbreaker/neckbreaker combo, but Punk counters with a kick to the head. Del Rio jumps in and pulls Punk away from the tag attempt. Wade Barrett comes out of nowhere and pulls Orton off the apron. He jumps back into the crowd. Miz gos for the running corner clothesline and misses. Punk goes for the GTS and Miz counters with the Skull Crushing Finale for the win. Orton jumps into the crowd and looks for Barrett as The Miz celebrates. Ricardo Rodriguez throws a ladder into the ring and both Miz and Del Rio beat Punk with it. Del Rio does a running double foot stomp onto Punk’s back with the ladder on top of him. Del Rio hits the Cross Arm Breaker through the ladder. Punk tries to fight out while The Miz taunts him on the microphone. Miz says the pipe bomb will blow up in Punk’s face this Sunday. How good was Punk while this was going on though? He kept constantly fighting and kicking and even made contact with Miz a few times because he was too close. That was exactly the right thing to do. If you were in a painful arm hold wouldn’t you fight and claw your way out of it any way possible? The Miz got too close so I’m glad Punk made contact with him. He is incredibly smart.

The Kane Resurrected promo airs with him throwing down the burning mask. I still hope he returns with the mask when he returns. The WWE Network promo also airs, followed by Cole and Lawler putting it over.

The next award is “A-Lister of the Year” and the presenters are Vickie Guerrero and Goldust. Goldust is in his old school outfit with the blonde wig and boa. Goldust says Vickie wins the award for wearing more makeup than him. This category is for the best celebrity appearance of the year. The nominees are…Hugh Jackman, The Muppets, Snooki (from Wrestlemania), and the little t-rex armed midget Cee-Lo Green. Vickie is disgusted by the winner so Goldust announces Snooki. Snooki has a video message. She says its “frickin awesome.” She puts over Jersey Shore airing in January and wishes Zack Ryder luck at TLC. She ends by saying “woo woo woo you know it.” I was going to complain about Snooki, and complain about Jersey Shore, but then she put over Ryder. So I won’t.

In the back Josh Mathews interviews Mark Henry. He says Big Show “ain’t seen nothing yet.” Henry Says Cena disrespected him last week and shouldn’t worry about Wrestlemania. He says Cena will be inducted into the Hall of Pain.

Sheamus vs. Jinder Mahal- Mahal comes out speaking his own language while the crowd chants “what.” He walks into the ring continuing to talk, but Sheamus nails him with a Brogue Kick. Then Sheamus walks to the back. I guess the match isn’t happening. WWE Network is officially trending on Twitter.

The final award is “Superstar of the Year.” Rey Mysterio is the presenter. The crowd chants “619”. Mysterio says it feels great to be back. He’s had to say that a lot in his career because he’s always injured. I personally don’t miss him. The nominees are…Randy Orton, The Miz, CM Punk, Alberto Del Rio, Mark Henry, and John Cena. And the winner is….CM Punk. John Laurinaitis comes out instead and accepts for him. He says Punk is too injured to accept. Laurinaitis sells it very well, smiles, throws his hands in the air, and celebrates.

Mark Henry is walking in the back when the video cuts out. It’s cryptic video “it beings” time. The little boy is writing at the desk and says “as he sat upon the mountain, the question arose, when shall things be, and what shall be the sign of my coming?” We see video of crows flying over a tree and waves crashing on sand. He says “the answer, when she tells us. She holds the mystery of my arrival, of my rebirth.” We see close up shots of the little girl and more waves crashing. “For when I beckon her, I will return to claim what is mine, and things shall never be the same again.” The little girl stops smiling and gives an evil look. We see lockers in a gray school. He says “on the second day of 2012 it will be the end of the world as you know it.” The little girl walks trough the empty school by the lockers. The word “control” pops up on the screen.  The video can be seen here. And now these videos have completely thrown me off. Great job implementing the girl. So now it has to be a power couple. I would say that this eliminates Chris Jericho. Undertaker is married to Michelle McCool so they could return together. Brock Lesnar is married to Sable, so they could return together. Vince McMahon could be this person as Stephanie McMahon could be used. And then there is Kharma. She could call on any diva they want to put with her. Or the call she puts in to “her” could be Kharma coming back after Kelly Kelly. This thing got real interesting and the mystery is more confusing than ever. Does anyone out there have any other ideas? I’d like to see them posted below.

World Heavyweight Champion Mark Henry vs. John Cena- Henry’s ankle is heavily taped. The match begins with a tie up where Henry tosses Cena to the mat. And then we go to commercial..again. Back from commercial Henry splashes Cena in the corner and gets a near fall. He gos for a splash on the mat but Cena moves. Cena picks Henry up, but falls backwards with all the weight. Henry squeezes Cena’s head and eventually Cena ower powers him and counters with a suplex. Cena uses the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. He goes for the AA, but again buckles with all the weight, and falls to the mat. Henry headbutts Cena into the corner. He picks Cena up, but he slides down his back and hits a series of punches. Cena uses a shoulder block, but it doesn’t knock Henry down. He goes for another but is caught in a bear hug. Cena powers out and goes for yet another, and this time he’s caught in the world’s strongest slam. Just then there is an explosion and the lights go out. They stay out for awhile. It’s Kane!!! And he’s masked!!! It’s his old entrance music with the red lighting. Kane’s mask is big and metal like a Jason mask. Mark Henry sees Kane and runs out of the ring. Cena walks right into a big choke slam. Kane raises his arms, lowers them, and another explosion. Kane removes the large metal mask and beneath it is a smaller version of his original mask that he is wearing. So Kane is back, and he’s masked. Plus he interfered in a random match, like the old days, and took out everyone in his way. This is exactly everything I asked for. I’m actually excited to see Kane again. I’m excited to see what he will do next. Great job WWE. Great finish.

Pretty solid show. There were tons of special guests and surprises tonight that really made this a solid show. It was surprising to see Road Dogg, Lita, Atlas, Dibiase, and Mysterio. The fatal four way match was extremely good. The ending was great. The cryptic video was surprising and threw in a good twist. I give Raw tonight an “A” rating. Very good stuff. Hope those of you who attend this Sunday’s TLC Pay Per View in Baltimore have a great time!

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