Scouting the Dolphins
This week we are fortunate to have a candid interview with FinsNation. If I still liked the Dolphins like i did circa 1985, I would totally be reading this blog. Warning, this is not suitable for children or Pilson.
1- The wildcat? Are the Dolphins still running that? It was so 2 years ago.
Yes, the Dolphins are still running it. It’s not so much that it’s “so two years ago.” It’s that our offensive coordinator is old and senile. He’ll call the Wildcat — a play that hasn’t been working at all this year, I might add — at the worst possible times in a game. It’s been the perfect drive-killing play call. And it’s been an utter disaster. So, you should expect to see it this week at least three times for a net gain of – 6.
2- The Dolphins are 4-3 with 2 home losses to divisional rivals. Are playoffs a reality for this team? Where do you expect this team to finish?
We have to stop not scoring touchdowns first. Being 0-3 at home doesn’t help. But the Steelers game shouldn’t count. Fuckin Yinzers. Is there any other team in the NFL that has historically gotten more hand jobs by the referees than those mullet wearing assholes? Let’s see an NFL Network show about that! “The Top Ten Handys Given To The Steelers By NFL Officals.”
As for our playoff shot: It’s tough to say, given that we haven’t won at home and all. But we control our own destiny, as they say. We’ve got to play the Patriots and Jets again. So things are very much in the air. And by “very much in the air” I mean a shitload of field goals!
3- I often fluctuate between thanking and cursing the Dolphins for letting Cam Cameron go a few years ago. Did he really get a fair shake as a head coach?
With the history our two teams have had, it’s actually been hard to find something to hate about the Ravens. You guys have a bunch of players from The U that are hugely popular with us. We love and respect Ray Lewis. We love and respect Ed Reed. We dig what you guys do. But when Cam Cameron was hired, we were like, fuck those guys!
Did he get a fair shake? This is the guy that spent a number 9 overall draft pick on Ted Ginn Jr. and then explained it by telling us what a terrific family he has! This is also the same guy that gave us John Beck. And the same guy that nearly coached us into an 0-16 season (THANKS, RAVENS!). He couldn’t get fired fast enough. He could’ve gotten fired and then have a cement truck filled with venomous snakes fall on him as he walked out of the facilities, and it still wouldn’t be enough. So, yea… good luck with him!
4- I am guessing the Dolphins D is pretty solid. Now that Dancing with the Star is gone, who is the face of the Defense?
We don’t necessarily have a face on our D. Karlos Dansby is the leader and Vontae Davis is the best corner nobody is talking about. But then there’s Cameron Wake (or as we call him over at FinsNation: The Kraken!). That guy is a nasty dude. He’s wrecked havoc on quarterbacks all year and he’s only getting better. It’ll be fun to see how Joe Flacco takes the pressure. Only because I’m not convinced Joe Flacco is human. I’ve never seen a more indifferent quarterback in my life. His expression is the same whether you guys win, or he throws eight interceptions. Weird.
5- Dan Carpenter is awesome. How many field goals do you think he has to kick in order to beat the Ravens this weekend?
I’m going to go with five. Why break precedence? It really is in the hands of Oldman Offensive Coordinator Dan Henning. He’s capable of calling an outrageously brilliant play one moment, and completely shitting the bed the next. It’s either because he’s senile or because he has a prostate the size of a small boy’s clenched fist, so he has to pee in the middle of a drive and Sparano is forced to wing it. Either way, the problem is he’s old.
I also think this game is going to be a defensive battle (until both quarterbacks throw for 350 yards and 3 touchdowns each, of course).
EC- What are the chances of the same refs that called the Steelers/Phins game calling the Ravens/Phins game? Wouldn’t that be awesome? What would you say to them if you had the chance?
Well since they’re clearly Steelers fans, I’d say both teams are fucked. If that crew calls our game, expect both teams to be ejected by the second quarter for no reason whatsoever, and then each forced to forfeit.