WWE Monday Night Raw Results 10/31/11- Halloween Night

The show begins with The Rock’s music. Rocky is on the video board. He talks about Cena wanting him to be his tag team partner at Survivor Series. He says they “represent an era and a generation.” His response to being Cena’s partner: “Hell no!” The Rock says that he doesn’t want to tag the skin on Cena’s hand but instead wants to slap the lips off Cena’s face. He says The Rock’s millions of fans won’t get along with the “Fruit Loop Troop.” (The Rock is as funny as ever.) Then he goes on to say that he’s gotten millions of Tweets asking him to get rid of The Miz and R-Truth. Because of that he accepts to be Cena’s partner at Survivor Series. He says that all John Cena’s little kid fans are running around in circles happy right now. What he will do to The Miz and R-Truth at Survivor Series is apparently just a taste of what he will do to Cena at Wrestlemania. If you smell what The Rock is cooking.

CM Punk vs. World Heavyweight Champion Mark Henry (puke)- John Laurinaitis comes out immediately to say that Punk will be named #1 contender if he beats Mark Henry. Henry starts the match by throwing Punk around. Punk jumps on his back from the second rope but is tossed off. Punk comes back with strong kicks to the torso but is then tossed over the top rope. He springboards over the ropes with a forearm to finally knock Henry off his feet. Punk hits a big Macho Man elbow drop from the top rope for a near fall. Alberto Del Rio and Ricardo Rodriguez make their way down the ramp. Ricardo gets orders from Del Rio then hits the ring and attacks Henry. He takes off his shoe and hits Henry with it. Henry wins by disqualification meaning that CM Punk is not the #1 contender. This is obviously why Del Rio planned the attack. Punk hits a suicide dive through the ropes taking out Del Rio and Rodriguez. Del Rio flees while Punk throws Ricardo back into the ring to Mark Henry. Henry hits the World’s Strongest Slam but the WWE cameras misses it. Good opening match. Good idea behind the disqualification. You don’t see that kind of thing done too much. But it is a smart idea.

And now what we’ve all been waiting for…..The Muppets are tonight’s guest hosts. Kermit The Frog and Miss Piggy appear on the stage. Piggy says she is the original diva. At that time we hear “excuse me.” Vickie Guerrero and Jack Swagger come out. Vickie doesn’t want to share her on air time with The Muppets. Swagger says he’s going to make frog legs and a ham sandwich. Kermit says he doesn’t want to disrespect Swagger and his mother. Vickie goes crazy. Have I mentioned yet that this segment is hilarious? Vickie and Miss Piggy chest bump each other saying “excuse me.” Santino Marella comes out. He says Miss Piggy is beautiful. Santino says that John Leningitis (LOL) made a match between him and Swagger. He also says he made Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder. Kermit says “woo woo woo”. Piggy says “you know it”. And I love it. Kelly Kelly’s music hits and she comes out in a costume. Miss Piggy says “is she a cowboy or a pirate.” Kelly kisses Kermit. Miss Piggy is very angry. This is great stuff. I have to point out though that a few weeks ago when I spoke about the possibilities of The Muppets on Raw I said that Miss Piggy and Vickie Guerrero had to be used in a segment together. I also said that Santino Marella would be the perfect comedy character to interact with them. Coincidence???? Or is WWE using my ideas from this article? I’m going with the second.

Divas Battle Royal for the #1 Contendership to the Diva’s Championship- They are all wearing Halloween costumes. Kelly Kelly is a cowgirl…or maybe a pirate. Eve is Robin. Rosa Mendes is a cavewoman. Aksana is Morticia from the Addams Family. AJ is a cheerleader. Alicia Fox is a pirate. Kaitlyn is Dog the Bounty Hunter. The Bella Twins are Mario and Luigi. Natalya is The Queen of Hearts. Tamina is an Egyptian goddess. Beth Phoenix is on commentary as a vampire. So they have this awfully wrestled battle royal thing where you don’t even have to be thrown over the top rope. Natalya throws out Rosa Mendes. Eve throws out Aksana. Tamina super kicks AJ out of the ring. Kaitlyn eliminates Tamina. The Bella Twins eliminate Kaitlyn. Eve hits a standing moonsault on a Bella Twin. Kelly does the stupid stink face on the other. Kelly Kelly and Eve eliminate The Bella Twins. Eve, Kelly, and Alicia triple team Natalya as they are the only 4 left. Natalya recovers and eliminates Alicia Fox and Kelly Kelly. Eve dumps Natalya over the top rope from behind for the win. Eve is now the #1 contender. Natalya and Beth both hit the ring to take out Eve but Alicia Fox and Kelly Kelly come to her aid. Natalya and Beth retreats. Now I could be wrong here, but I think something may have gone wrong in this match. Alicia Fox beat Natalya last week and it appeared as if they were pushing her to the #1 contendership. When Alicia was thrown to the apron she may have slipped. My initial reaction was that Alicia fell and was eliminated and wasn’t really supposed to be. I personally think that Alicia Fox was supposed to win that match. That is my gut response based on the reaction of everyone around the ring. When Alicia fell I think Eve was the audible and won the match. But I could be wrong. Regardless the match was bad and a waste of time.

In the back we see Dr. Bunsen Honeydew and Beaker. Yes, I had to look up the names of these muppets. Mr. Dr. Honeydew has a formula for Santino Marella that will make him stronger and faster and some more things. Beaker is supposed to take it to Santino but he runs into Christian. Christian takes the formula and dumps it out. Beaker responds with “meep meep meep” or whatever it is he says. Sheamus comes in and scares Christian off. Sheamus and Beaker look like each other. I’ve never noticed it until now, but that is funny. So Sheamus and Beaker have a conversation and Sheamus says he can’t make it to their family reunion. He asks how his aunts and uncles are. This kind of simple muppet humor is absolutely hilarious tonight. I love it. Great stuff. Great television. More please!!! It ends with Sheamus spiking up Beaker’s red hair to look just like his.

Kofi Kingston and Evan Bourn vs. Wade Barrett and Cody Rhodes- Air Boom has an impressive entrance with lots of pyro explosions and new music. I like it. Kofi flies around the ring to start things off. He goes for a springboard but Rhodes drop kicks the rope and knocks him off. Barrett is tagged in and hits a tilt-a-whirl side slam. Barrett goes back to his bare knuckle fighter roots and boxes Kofi to the mat. This I like as well. I haven’t really seen Barrett do this before but it really makes sense for his character. Add it to the arsenal!! Rhodes and Barrett tag each other in and out while working Kofi. Michael Cole says that the WWE has had a muppet since 1993 named Jim Ross. Finally the hot tag to Evan Bourn. Barrett eventually goes for Waste Land, but Bourn counters a nice DDT. Rhodes comes in for the distraction and to take Kingston out. Bourn goes to the top for Air Bourn but Barrett knocks him down and hits Waste Land for the win. Christian runs out for no apparent reason to attack Kingston. Sheamus comes out for the save. He clears the ring and hits a Brogue Kick on Cody Rhodes. This is a match I really didn’t understand. First of all why is Rhodes and Barrett teaming up? Second of all why would they beat the tag team champions? Does this mean they are going to throw together another makeshift tag team to face Air Boom at Survivor Series? How many pointless tag teams are they going to throw together because they lack a serious tag team division? Every single month its the same exact thing regarding the tag team titles. They create a new team, the new team beats the champions, then they get a title shot at the PPV, and then they lose. It’s getting far too repetitive and boring. Why don’t WWE do something about The Headbangers (yes the tag team from the 90’s) making an open challenge to Air Boom on YouTube. Evan Bourn already responded to it. WWE could have The Headbangers and other tag teams from the past come in to try to take out Air Boom. That would really put the tag champs over. Because jobbing them out to every makeshift tag team month after month isn’t really doing anything with them. Kofi and Bourn have so much talent that I hate to see them buried. Especially Bourn who I think has been one of the most underused wrestlers in WWE history. But wouldn’t it be cool to see The Headbangers one week? Wouldn’t it be cool to see Too Cool? How about Demoltion, MNM, and even The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff??? Your intrigued aren’t you.

Statler and Waldorf (the old men muppets) are in a skybox. One of them keeps saying “what” like Stone Cold Steve Austin. The other says your trying to be like Stone Cold and your from the Stone Age…or something like that.

CM Punk is in the back talking to John Laurinaitis about how Del Rio got him disqualified so that he wouldn’t become #1 contender. Laurinaitis tells Punk that he can have his match if Del Rio agrees to let him have the match. Punk says “that sounds easy enough.”

Another Brodus Clay hype video that says he will be in action next week on Raw.

WWE Champion Alberto Del Rio vs. The Big Show- Ricardo Rodriguez is not the ring announcer after he was slammed by Mark Henry earlier in the night. Big Show dominates early. He hits big chops and headbuts. Del Rio tries to chop Big Show down with drop kicks but it doesn’t work. This is pretty much the same match psychology as the CM Punk/Mark Henry match. Big man vs. smaller man. We’ve already seen this tonight. That’s the problem with pushing too many big men. Eventually Del Rio hits a sleeper hold. Del Rio goes outside to catch his breath but Big Show charges at him very slowly with a terrible head punch. It was very stupid looking. They work outside for awhile. Back in the ring Del Rio his a series of viscous kicks to the head. Del Rio goes for a pin but Big Show press slams him off of him. They both gain momentum back up to their feet with head shots. Big Show clotheslines Del Rio to the outside. (Commercial) The Big Show has a match long enough to require a commercial break? Really? All of his matches are usually short. Surprising. Back from break Del Rio is working Big Show’s knee. How he is back on offense I don’t know, because of the stupid commercial break. Why he is working the knee when he has a submission that affects the arm I also don’t know. Maybe it’s to keep Big Show off his feet? I don’t know. How dare I doubt the master of psychology Del Rio. Del Rio goes for another pin and Big Show uses an even bigger press slam to get him off. This one sends Del Rio flying to the outside. Big Show powers himself up into the corner. Del Rio runs into the ring and runs at Big Show going for a springboard kick. Instead he gets hit with The Weapon of Mass Destruction punch to the head. Big Show covers him for the win. So again the WWE Champion loses and again the WWE Champion is buried. Del Rio is still a weak champion. Why is he a weak champion? Because the WWE makes him job too much. Anyways, CM Punk comes out. He sits Indian-style next to an unconscious Del Rio. He throws water in his face to revive him and tells him that he is going to hook the Anaconda Vice on him until he gives him his championship match. Punk locks in the Anaconda Vice and Del Rio screams “you have your match.” Punk gets on the mic to brag about it but the mic doesn’t work. Bad technical production tonight.

Fozzy and Fonzo (the muppets) are in the back talking about being WWE Champions. Vickie Guerrero, Dolph Ziggler, and Jack Swagger walk up. They take Gonzo’s arms, which stretch really far, and ties them around his head. They tell the Muppets not to get involved in their matches. So this is all we get to see of Fozzy? Isn’t he a main Muppet character? Vickie Guerrero is overused tonight. Fozzy is underused.

Santino Marella vs. Jack Swagger- The special time keeper is Animal (the muppet.) Animal rings the bell a whole lot and laughs. Santino has a comedy spot to start the match where the two tie up, he back bumps, rolls over and up, and says “ta-daaa.” Swagger responds with a hard clothesline. Swagger hits multiple hard elbows to the neck, which he stole from Daniel Bryan. The same Daniel Bryan that WWE is currently underusing. The same Daniel Bryan that is the best wrestler in the company. The same Daniel Bryan that needs to be used on Raw each week. Why Daniel Bryan doesn’t use these hard elbows like he used to in Ring of Honor…I don’t know. Back to this awful match. And it really was awful. Swagger does pushups on Santino’s back. Cool spot. This match is so boring that the fans start chanting “We Want Ryder Woo Woo Woo.” Seriously. Greatest chant of all time. Half the crowd chants “We want Ryder”, then the other half chants “Woo Woo Woo.” The crowd doesn’t care about the current match and neither do I. Eventually Beaker shows up to ringside with another energy drink. Santino drinks it, gags, accidentally spits it in Swagger’s eyes, and rolls him up for the win. Michael Cole with the quote of the night says, “How did Beaker wander down here.”

Dolph Ziggler vs. Zack Ryder- More “Let’s go Ryder Woo Woo Woo” chants off the top. Ziggler takes control early. Ryder responds with a clothesline and a missle dropkick. Back from commercial break Ziggler is magically in control again. The Ryder chants are even louder. This new chant could be huge. Ziggler hits a nice neck breaker and then kips up like HBK. Ziggler goes for a hurricanrana but its countered into a catapult. Ryder does a Woo Woo Woo Fist Pump in the air with the crowd chanting, and hits the Samoa Joe boot to the corner. Ryder hits the knees to the face in the corner and gets the 3 count. Ziggler’s foot is under the rope so the referee doesn’t declare the match over. Ziggler runs outside and Ryder chases him. He dives back in and attempts the Zig Zag, but Ryder holds the ropes. Ryder hits the Rough Ryder for the win. The crowd goes crazy. Ryder is the most over wrestler of the night. Ryder does more fist pumping and Woo Woo Wooing on the ropes. So I guess Ryder isn’t out of the United States Championship picture. No Mason Ryan tonight either. Maybe WWE is realizing that Ryan isn’t good and that people want to see Ryder more. But I doubt that they are actually realizing that.

We see a recap of what happened last week between Triple H and Kevin Nash to keep the storyline fresh. Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler says that Triple H is out of action for 5 more weeks. They also say that Laurinatis has re-signed Kevin Nash and that he will be on Raw next week.

Michael Cole grabs the mic and its time for the Michael Cole Challenge that was hyped last week. Or is it? Michael Cole says Jim Ross had medical problems and that he isn’t here tonight. He says JR has IBD (some bowel thing.) He also names over other diseases that JR has and says JR isn’t a real man. He pulls out a diaper and says Ross should wear that next week when the Michael Cole challenge will take place. Cole says “but that just depends.” Then he laughs a lot. Get it? Diapers. Depends. Yeah.  So what happened?  Why did they suddenly kill this match this week?  I’m guessing because they didn’t have enough time this week with The Rock and The Muppets and everything else?  I guess we will get to see it next week.

Statler and Waldorf are in a skybox and says the only thing worse than listening to Michael Cole is nothing. Ha ha. I guess.

Miss Piggy is in the back touching John Morrison’s abs. Why is Morrison in ring attire when he isn’t wrestling? Anyways, she wants to go out with Morrison. Morrison says his friend Hornswoggle is free. Hornswoggle shows Miss Piggy his actual Miss Piggy tattoo. He tries to kiss her. She karate chops him. Kermit comes up to him and asks him if he’s okay. Cody Rhodes comes out of nowhere and puts a tiny paper bag over Kermit’s head with little eye holes in it. Good stuff.

The Miz comes out for his main event match against John Cena. Statler and Waldorf are in their skybox and says Cena is next and that “you can’t see me.” Statler says, “I can’t see anything.” Then Waldorf gets woozy from waving his hand over his face and passes out. I laughed. That’s the end of the Muppets. Great stuff with them WWE. Very entertaining night.

The Miz vs. John Cena- This is a rematch from the main event at Wrestlemania 27 in Atlanta. They are in Atlanta tonight. Cena comes out to some big boos. The Miz takes early control and stomps away at Cena. He hits a big boot to the head. They do a test of strength but Miz kicks Cena’s knee out. He hits another big boot to the head. Miz throws Cena in the corner. He hits the hanging clothesline that he once got from Evan Bourn. Miz with a double axehandle off the top rope. He hits some more kicks, clubs at Cena’s head, and uses a chin lock. Jerry Lawler says Cena is the most controversial wrestler ever because of all the loud boos. I disagree. The Rock went through the same thing in his prime. While he was a big time face people used to chant “die Rocky die” and him. Cena and The Rock are similar in that regard but The Rock was much more entertaining and controversial. That’s what makes this Surivor Series match and the Wrestlemania match so exciting. Back to Miz/Cena. Cena counters Miz and hits the 5 Knuckle Shuffle. He goes for the Attitude Adjustment but it’s countered into a reverse DDT. Cena counters Miz and goes for an STF but that’s countered into a backbreaker combo. Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale but that’s countered with a clothesline. This match is using the same exact psychology that the Wrestlemania match used. Both guys supposedly know each other so well and are so well scouted that all of their moves are being countered by one another. The counters tell you a lot about the wrestling ability of each guy. When The Miz counters with combos and then Cena counters with just “a clothesline” it tells you a lot. Cena is just not a good wrestler. Sorry. The Miz goes for a superplex off the top rope but Cena powers out. He pushes Miz off the top and hits a Rocker Dropper. Cena goes for another AA but it’s countered this time with a sweet DDT. That DDT was the move of the night. Miz is countered again and dropped to the outside where he is eventually thrown into the barricade. As Cena approaches the barricade Ghostface from the Scream movies grabs Cena. Security rushes to grab Ghostface. Back in the ring The Miz goes for the Skull Crushing Finale again but it’s counted into the STF. The Miz taps. Cena wins. Very solid main event match. The psychology was excellent. There were so many counters in this match and you knew that the first guy to actually hit the big move would win. Cena was the guy to hit the big move as he finally got the STF locked in. Ghostface comes back into the ring but gets the Attitude Adjustment from Cena. Cena takes off the mask. Is it Sidney’s niece? Is it her boyfriend? Nope, its R-Truth. I knew it!!

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